A BRAND NEW event: Wines for Weddings

Greetings, wedding fans.  

Holy Moly, did you SEE that lovely scene with Lady Mary in her wedding dress coming down the stairs, with Lord Grantham and Mr Carson standing at the bottom?  To quote a line, "I was so happy I thought my chest would burst".  And HERE is that stunning dress:

And here is the reaction of her Dad, with her surrogate Dad as she descends...

Having lost my dear old Dad a few years ago, scenes like this normally create tissue-related situations here at Beckingham Towers. 

Honestly, is there anything more wonderful than posh Corrie Downton Abbey? 

And stand by for copies of that dress and versions thereof in the next few months.  I approve, actually.  Because I'm 104 I love modest wedding dresses with vintage lace, elegant clean lines and long sleeves. Oh yes I do.

....................................................................................................................

"Wines for Weddings" Tutored Wine Tasting Event

11th October
Blanch House, Brighton (full details below)

Talking of lovely and generally fabulous, I have something to tell you about that is NEW and going to be GREAT, so I hope you will all come along if you can.

A few months ago, through the magic of Twitter I met a lovely chap called Karl Elwood, who runs Elwood, a specialist wine merchant company.  

http://elwoodwines.co.uk/news_and_events/news_and_events.html

Working with his wife Tracey, who's also a gem, he sources wines for private clients and believe me, they really do know their stuff.

Elwood regularly runs wine tasting events.  I've been to a couple and really enjoyed them - they're informative, fun and totally non-stuffy.

So, take this scenario: You're getting married (hurrah) in a marquee or a converted barn (hurrah), you've got a great caterer (yes, hurrah again) who has suggested some fabulous menus (yes yes, hurrah again) and now you realise that you have to find some great wine to match the food.  Ah, now we're a bit stumped. What do you do? Fire up Google? Take a trip to Tesco other supermarkets are available?

In my experience, couples really want to spoil their guests and after all, what will people remember about your wedding? Honestly - it's the food and drink, isn't it? 

Fret no more. A date for your diary:

"Wines for Weddings" Tutored Wine Tasting

Thursday, 11th October, 7.30pm - 9.30pm

Blanch House Hotel, 17, Atlingworth Street, Brighton, BN2 1PL

£35 per ticket

http://elwoodwines.co.uk/products/wine_tastings/weddingwines.html

Numbers are limited and tickets will sell out fast. YOU MUST BOOK - don't turn up on the night, there won't be any spaces. Sorry. 

All food (delicious canapes from the Blanch House kitchen) and wine is included; the format of the evening is very simple: Karl will guide you through each wine, its provenance and suitability for various types of food  and you will even get wine tasting notes to take home. And...you get to meet other couples planning their wedding, which is always good fun.

Because we live in God's own county, a sparkling wine from Sussex will be included and...there will be...CHAMPAGNE!

I'm going to be on hand to say hello and to offer any advice you may need on planning your special day. I promise not to drink. *crosses fingers behind back*

For further details, contact Karl or Tracey Elwood on 01273 242 535 or me, Susan Beckingham on 07816 684 756.

Things That Make Me Go Mmmmmm...

So...the sun has got its hat on over the last few days and everywhere there are Birkenstocks (hurrah) and sadly there are also Crocs, so we can't have everything.  We also have the deeply unpleasant short-sleeved man's summer work shirt which makes a bloke look like he should be working in Maccy D's and asking everyone if they "would like fries with that". If I see a chap wearing a combination of Crocs and a short-sleeved work shirt I may offer fashion advice.

No. Not a good look.

Wedding season is upon us and from now on until the autumn and beyond people everywhere are making commitments to each other and having whizz-bang parties to celebrate, which makes me happy.  As you know, my organs of opinion regarding clients' choice of colour, style and theme for their wedding have been surgically removed but entre nous, there are things that I just love and I thought that you may want to hear about them:

Civil Partnerships
Contrary to common perception, the very first civil partnership took place in a hospice in Sussex on 5th December 2005 where one partner was terminally ill - a sad but poignant commitment between two men who loved each other and which was conducted by the delightful Father John McCormack, whom I am privileged to know.  Since then, thousands of same-sex couples have cemented their relationship in this way and long may it continue.

"FJ", doing what he does best at a recent civil partnership

Our government is currently wobbling a bit over gay marriage but given that this is a natural next step, I expect to see this legislation passed in the next couple of years or so.  OK, I understand that this is controversial but since love doesn't discriminate, why should we?

Civil Ceremonies
Don't confuse these with civil partnerships, although of course a CP is a civil ceremony, if you see what I mean.  Did you know that the Marriages (Approved Premises) Regulations Act of 1995 (oddly, an ex boyfriend of mine was instrumental in creating this legislation - don't ask) allows marriages to take place in hotels, stately homes, civil halls etc without compromising the fundamental principles of English marriage law? Hey, is your life enhanced by this news?

What it means is that you can get married (and have a CP since 2005) at approved premises, in addition to a church or at a register office.  Where you can't get married is in your back garden, or in a tent, or any other temporary structure or on most forms of transport.

Why is this so cool?  Well it means that:

• you can get married and have your reception in the same place
• you don't have to organise extra transport
• you can go a bit artistic with themes, colours and fancy styles
• although there are legally required "words" during the ceremony, you can add extra vows, songs, poems, you name it.  Lovely.
• you're still legally married!

What this also means, sadly is £ signs in the eyes of venue managers, but I will say no more on this for the time being.

PS: If you live in Brighton, you CAN get married at the Bandstand!  Result!

Flowers
My favourite aspect of any wedding, flowers are sooooo lovely and can transform a plain venue into something very special indeed.  The industry is very competitive, for every one of me there are 15 or so florists and not every one of them provides a good service so take your time to do your homework when selecting one or employ me to select an excellent range for you to choose from. Make sure that you see a portfolio and that you check and double-check delivery times and locations on your wedding day.  You have been warned!

Ah, lovely flaars

Pearls
Those who know me will acknowledge that I absolutely love pearls: they throw light onto your face and good quality ones last for years if you look after them properly. New funky styles mean that they're no longer jewellery that your granny wore. Also, they're uniquely feminine and suit a light-coloured wedding ensemble beautifully.  If you ask me nicely, I can be the "borrowed" element of your special day as I have quite a few lovely pieces - oooh I say.

love love love

Themed Tents
I guess I'll have to name-check the Arabian Tent Company here.  Based in Sussex, this amazing company hires tents and equally importantly, all the decorative drapes, innards and furniture to go with them and the colours are amazing.  If you're looking for the unusual, you could do a lot worse than give this company a call:

http://www.arabiantents.com/gallery_arabian.html?view=slideshow


Fairy Lights
I know - bizarre, but I just luuuurve these special twinkly lights that sit behind draping or get wrapped around beams; you can even get some that turn on and off randomly and even change colour - I know! Forgive me if you hate fairy lights, I promise you don't have to have them if you don't want to. :-(

Ooh, there's posh

Brighton
Yes, I know I know. A tad biased is what I am... but Brighton really is the wedding destination of choice for so many people and in my opinion if you're getting hitched here, make sure it's "iconic" Brighton with pics of you and your beloved with the beach in the background or the Pier, or even the Brighton Pavilion (you can get married at the Pavilion, too). And beyond that...

Sussex
Just 10 minutes' drive from Beckingham Towers and you're out into rolling hills and countryside, fabulous pubs (apparently!) and great open spaces for long walks before stuffing your face at a local hostelry.  Sussex also has terrific venues for weddings, far too numerous for me to outline here so give me a call if you 'd like me to short-list some for you.

So, that's it for now - there's a lot of stuff I love when it comes to weddings but if I carry on listing them you'll all lose the will to live.  There are also loads of aspects which I hate and loathe (greedy people mainly)...I may do a blog about this but Carter Ruck could chase me for libel so I'll have to talk in code or something.

On another note, watch out for some exciting news about a great new wedding venue in central Brighton - yours truly is involved!

If you'd like some help with your wedding or civil partnership, not necessarily involving any of the above, not even fairy lights, give Susan Beckingham a call on 07816 684 756.

More Stuff I Do Not Necessarily Involving Spreadsheets

What what what?  Surely there can’t be more, I hear you cry.  Why, Miss Beckingham, you are really spoiling us with your second blog in two days.  I feel I’m turning into that nice lady from Love my Dress.  

I met a lovely florist today:  Her name is Amy O’Boyle from Wookie Flowers and she specialises in fantastic floral design for weddings and special events.  Check out her website here:

http://www.wookieflowers.com/#!

Our British cultural resistance to wedding planners never ceases to amaze me: planning your wedding or civil partnership can take up to 250 hours – that’s about five weeks’ full time work; five whole weeks of trying and failing to get hold of people, becoming stressed, falling out with your bridesmaid and deciding that you hate your husband-to-be.

So...what other things are part of the mix? (“part of the mix”? Good God)

Negotiation

You may also like to know that before I jumped off the corporate ship, I had a 20 year + career in business and I know how to negotiate to get the best deal for you. I’m afraid that there are lots of brown envelopes with cash in them in the wedding industry (this would shock you and will be the subject of another blog) but I’m an independent wedding planner and although I know people who are grrrrrrrreeeaat, any cost reductions are passed on to you.

Also, couples often don’t know how much services should cost – why should they, most of them don’t make a habit of getting married on a frequent basis – and I understand how much someone should be charging and how much return on investment a charge should bring.

Tip: Don’t go with the cheapest supplier, make your decision on whether you like them – it’s as simple as that.  Rude and unhelpful people abound in the wedding sector, don’t be bullied by them they will probably be run over by a bus anyway.

Set Up

Before the Big Day or on the morning of your wedding, I’m most likely getting stuck in,  climbing up and down ladders and dressing your venue in the style of your choice.  My services in this aspect are flexible as I expect you’d want to get involved to a greater or lesser degree.  Or...perhaps you’re soooo chilled that you’re having your nails done at The Treatment Rooms.   

If you need a calm wedding best friend, I can be at your house from 7.00am on the day, making you some scrambled eggs. As a third party in effect “in charge”, I’m good at making sure everyone knows the schedule and that when I tell them not to bother you with stuff, they do what I say!

You must eat this on the morning of your wedding day.  It's the Law.

Any issues are directed in my general direction whilst you have another sneaky glass of champagne; oh, and I stop you drinking too much before you get in the car with your Dad.  Honestly, is there no beginning to my genius?

 Special Nice Things

There are lots of things absolutely to love about weddings but I love love love The Dress.  You wouldn’t believe how many wonderful talented wedding dress designers are out there – one day I shall name them all and you will thank me for it.

In the meantime you may like to take advantage of my Let’s Try on Wedding Dresses Day, err, OK I need to call it something a bit better than that but it includes you, me and your Mum or Bridesmaid and here’s how it works:

• A posh car transports you to three separate local dress designers
• You get the chance to try on various dress styles
• I take pix or video on my iPad
• We have lunch somewhere nice...
• We review styles/pictures over a glass of champagne at The Grand (or elsewhere!) at the end of the day
• I email you the pix or video afterwards·      

I know – a bit of a horrible job but someone has to do it.  There is an extra charge for this but I can tell you’re already thinking about it, aren’t you?

When it’s All Over

Normally, my services are completed at the end of your wedding day but for an extra fee, I will: 

• Oversee clear-up of the venue the next morning
• Deliver wedding presents which have been stored at the venue
• Bring round your wedding flowers (Aaaw!) if you want to keep enjoying them
• Return hired suits etc
• Assist with "thank you" letters and take care of correspondence

Shopping Trips

Yes, really.  If you’d like to me accompany you to get your accessories, you will soon understand that I have a passion for jewellery, an expert eye for colour and a bit of a thing for shoes. 

Update Meetings and Reports

Obvious really, but every week I send you an update of what’s been done and what’s on the To Do list for the following seven days; this keeps you up to speed and enables you and your other half to see where you are in the planning process.

Additionally, I encourage regular face-to-face meetings, not only to let you know what’s going on but to understand any worries you may have and to offer advice.  It’s really OK, you know, I’ve got it all in hand.

Costs

Just to remind you, all services are included in my fee, apart from the Dress Day and any services the day after the wedding.  Gosh, I’m rather good value really, aren’t I?

So...that’s all for now – there’s probably more stuff but “Pointless” on BBC1 is starting soon and I can’t decide whether I fancy Alexander Armstrong or that clever Richard bloke the most. What do you think?

Susan

x

If you’d like Susan Beckingham to help plan your wedding, call 07816 684 756

What I Actually Do and How Excel is Involved (Quite a Lot)

Actually, I swan around a lot and drink champagne all day (burp).  OK, I don't do this but what happens after you've signed our contract?  Here's the low-down on the realities of hiring Perfect Day.   


First off a Big Hello to Sally at The Point Hairdressers in Brighton, the town's best independent salon.  They offer offer hair styling services for weddings, which I recommend. Give them a call on 01273 819 538.


So, back to it.  What do I do?


OK, I start by...


...asking lots of questions over the course of one or two meetings: there's a sort of "wide to narrow" format, clarifying the "big" things - the size of the wedding, preferred location etc -  and then narrowing down to the finer details regarding colour, style and so on. This gives me a good idea of what I like to call my "vision", darling.  If neither of you has the first clue about any of this, no problemo, it's my job to present ideas to you at a later meeting.


After this, I toddle off to summarise what we've talked about and do a lot of this:

Oh OK.  What next?


These aren't just ordinary spreadsheets, these are Perfect Day spreadsheets and they have superpowers.  Our initial meeting will have clarified your wedding budget and which aspects of the wedding are of most significance.  I have a spreadsheet which lists "budget" vs "actual" spend and means that I keep a tight rein to make sure you don't go over budget.  How cool is that?


As an option, I offer a special service for busy people: I maintain a client account for customers to transfer a fixed sum into on a regular basis to the value of your wedding budget.  Invoices are then settled by Perfect Day without you having to worry about paying people on time.  


And then...


I do the research on finding:


A venue
A dress designer
Outfits for the Groom
Caterers
Florists
Cake maker
Photographers
Entertainment 
and so on...everything you need me to.


I will have vetted each of these key people/venues before presenting them to you and each choice specifically reflect what you have already told me you want (and don't want).  I short-list six of each and if none of them are suitable I start again.  Myth Buster:  I don't make decisions for you.  Ever.  Just thought that you should know that.


Hey, I didn't know that.  Do you come to meetings with us?


Yes. I accompany you on as many meetings to meet suppliers as you'd like. I organise times and dates, pick you up in my shiny car and we make a day of it - it's fun, it means that you don't have to drive and also that we can review all options afterwards; clients like this bit as it feels like they're being spoilt, which of course, they are. 


Remember, planning a wedding is seriously time-consuming and stressful so...here I am:

What about all those Things to Do? 


I create a Wedding Timeline which outlines in a lot of detail what needs to be done and when. This is our "bible" and nothing gets missed; this may mean a bit of nagging on my part but hey, I know you love me really.


Great.  Anything else?


Oh yes.  Don't forget that hiring a wedding planner to manage the nightmare that is your Guest List is worth the price of admission alone.  All invitees are asked to RSVP to me and I maintain another *cough* annoying spreadsheet to keep track of who's responded and who, for some reason, hasn't bothered to. So...worry not about who's coming to both the ceremony and the reception, the reception only, whether they're "gluten intolerant", a vegan, a Jedi Knight or any somesuch combination. 


Oh yes, part 2.  I also have spreadsheets for table planning and we can  sit together to work this out without driving you to complete wibbly wobbly distraction.


Will you manage our wedding day for us?


Yes, absolutely - if you're on a budget, hiring a wedding planner (pick me, please) to manage your special day is money well spent indeedy doody.   


Oddly, this doesn't involve spreadsheets but I suppose it could do if you're keen.  My wedding day schedules, although I say it myself are legendary and have featured on Radio 4.  OK, I made that last part up but I'm really really good at them and I miss nothing.

Someone organised this small family wedding right down to the second!

The Schedule gets put together about five weeks before the Big Day and is then tweaked; remember that I will already have confirmed all your bookings (and will do this again the day before) so all comings and goings are listed in 15 minute slots, including all contact details and important Things to Know.  If you ever see a wedding planner with a clipboard, it will no doubt be The Schedule that's on it. 


The benefit of this document is that you can rest assured that everything will be kept to time and that yes, you've guessed it, there is less stress for you and your family.  


Oh, And...


I have a Wedding Emergency Kit with Stuff in it.  It's a big holdall with four different types of painkillers, stain removers, batteries, safety pins, spare power cables, mints and hair grips; string, a torch, tampons, hairspray, water, pens, a screwdriver set, glue and quite frankly, the Kit is quite fab. 


So...these are just a few examples of what I actually do. Give me a call on 07816 684 756 if you'd like to meet.  I suppose, though, that one of the best ways I help people is simply by being there - I am your wedding best friend and I am available to talk and to meet up out-of-hours. Gosh, I'm so good I think I may just marry myself. 


Susan
x

Oooh Controversial..Children at Weddings

Soooooooo...this week I have been working on Search Engine Optimisation on my site. Yes, you may have noticed that you weren't able to find me on Google, which is quite frankly, a rum do.  If you try to find a wedding planner in Brighton, Hove or Sussex where am I? Nowhere, that's where.

Anyway, I may come back to you all when it's done and ask you to try finding me and to report back.  Is that OK? Ta.

This week's knotty topic is: Children at Weddings.  Do you by any chance remember a news story from 2008 when a vicar took a dim view of a toddler's behaviour  at a wedding service in Staffordshire and ordered his removal from the church?  But it wasn't any toddler, it was the son of the bride and groom, who, subsequently, complained to the Church of England!  Yikes!

It seems that couples want the perfect wedding - no rain, no family rows and no spots (I STILL get spots at the age of 48. Why?) and there's pressure for everything to be...just so.  So, if a baby screams its way through the wedding vows or if small children run around shouting during the ceremony (and yes, I have heard of this happening) you can, well, sort of understand why the first guest-list dilemma is the "kids or no kids" issue.

And What Do I Think? 

As this is such a personal issue I guess I should come clean:  I'm child-free by choice and don't really enjoy the company of small children. In my view, we've put children's so-called "needs" (eg to run around unsupervised in Starbucks and to draw all over your wall without approbation), first second, third and fourth before the comfort of other adults and if we keep worshipping at the altar of the little princesses and of small emperors we're going to be in trouble.  Harsh? Not really - I think that allowing children to interrupt people, giving them everything they want when they want it, and not instilling boundaries, rules and manners means that children become a nightmare for the rest of us AND they will increasingly not be welcome at weddings.

And breathe...

But...it's a Family Do.

A wedding is one of the only parties you'll throw in your lifetime when three or four generations come together in the same room - and what a party it will be!  Opinions vary wildly on this issue and I can see why, after all a wedding or civil partnership is the joining together of two families and children can be part of the fun, indeed watching them doing that funny early-evening disco dancing is rather endearing, isn't it?

To be honest, I've seen the most charming and lovely weddings where well-behaved children have played a key role: the little flower girl in a pretty dress, the page boys in their cute outfits, the rings-bearer who has rehearsed several times to get it right because he wanted his Auntie to have the best day of her life.

This, however, is just plain wrong

Although a proportion of parents may look forward to a day or evening where they can let their hair down without their children, your decision not to invite their offspring to your wedding may ensure that you're removed from several Christmas card lists. They may not understand or appreciate your decision not to invite your small nephew.  You have been warned.

Also, to be fair, it would be true to say that brides (not my clients, of course!) can get a bit obsessive about every detail of their wedding day and tend to forget that a responsible parent will remove a disruptive child during the service or the speeches - won't they?

Here Comes the Bride Advice

OK, if you don't want small children at your wedding you need to make it clear from the get-go but be very precise in your wording of the invitations. You'd think that an invite just to two guests would suggest that their children aren't invited but you may be surprised how many parents just assume that the children are welcome, too. Debretts would not approve.

Try the following wordings on your invitations:

"We hope you understand that we have chosen to make our special day adults only"

"We hope no offence is taken but due to budget restrictions, we are unable to invite your children"

"We would like to make it clear that due to the wishes of the bride and groom, children are not invited to the wedding ceremony or reception.  We thank you for your understanding"

"Parents please note: It is our wish to have an adults-only celebration.  We hope that this advance notice means that you are still able to share our big day"

If you want your wedding to be child-free except for immediate family (...good luck with this one!):

" ...not able to invite children who are not part of the bridal party"

"Due to restrictions on numbers, the only children we can invite to our wedding are those of our immediate family"

Please don't put "absolutely no children" on your wedding invitation, it's just not nice.

Reading through overblown-sense-of-entitlement.net Mumsnet this morning on this subject made me shake my head in disbelief.. it would seem that we have more than a few dummy mummies with no manners in this country who ignored the "no children" request and simply...turned up with toddlers in tow anyway.


More Advice...

If you do decide to invite littlies to your wedding, here's the thing: children are children, they are not small adults and unless they are properly supervised and kept entertained they will be a) bored b) running around everywhere and c) making you rue the day you impulsively invited them.

In other news, the Pope is Catholic and bears poo in the woods...

Also, consider carefully how you are going to place them.  Small children should be seated next to their parents but slightly older well-behaved offspring could have their own table, ideally in the middle of the room, so that their parents can keep an eye on them.

How about:

1.  Making up special party bags with puzzles, bubbles, balloons and colouring books.  Pop one of each of these at each child's place setting and with luck, they'll keep themselves entertained during the meal and speeches.  Make life even easier by getting the experts to put the bags together:

http://ww2.partythingstogo.co.uk/  or

http://www.partybox.co.uk/

Don't forget to contact Natalie Lovett from Love to Plan (http://lovetoplan.co.uk/) who sells a charming range of wedding-themed children's colouring books - perfect for the big day.

2.  Ask the DJ to include some popular tunes to get the children joining in with the dancing.  Apparently, some chap called Justin Bieber is popular and it would appear that One Direction are a popular beat combo with a good beat. (ok, that's a joke)

3.  Hire a kids' entertainer - magicians, clowns and face painters are a great addition to the day and will keep potentially disruptive children quiet for hours...

http://parlourmagic.co.uk/

http://bedazzled-parties.co.uk/

http://bigtopmania.co.uk/

4.  A bouncy castle is a great idea - hire one that is robust enough to cope with adults as well - but not at the same time as the kids, please.  However, don't let the bouncy castle become the baby-sitter, as happened at a wedding last year.  The parents ignored the fact that their children were wrecking the thing.  Oh yes, and someone (not me!) had placed it two metres away from a barbed wire fence.  Great. There are bouncy castle companies all over Sussex (they're all wubbery, everywhere) so you'll easily find one.

5.  You could set up a dedicated children's room full of toys, games, balloons and DVDs.  You could even provide a Nintendo Wii for them to play on.  Visit http://www.nintendowiihire.co.uk/ for a full list of suppliers BUT you will need someone to supervise all this, won't you?  Talking of which...

6  An expensive but highly effective solution would be to get the experts in for the day.  Companies such as...

 http://www.artfullsplodgers.com/

http://theweddingcreche.co.uk/activities.html

...are qualified and professional childminders who specialise in weddings and who will supply child meals, organise wedding-themed arts and crafts and even offer late-night babysitting.

I guess, ultimately, that clear communication is key regarding children at weddings.  If you're getting married in a church, ask the vicar for his/her views on this issue and you will need to be stoical if the people you want to be at your wedding refuse to come if you don't want their children there. These days couples are older, the stakes are higher and they're more than likely paying for their own wedding - it's not hard to conclude that they can therefore have what they want, is it? On the other hand, should they?

What do you think? Do children spoil weddings? Or are they an essential part of the fun?

If you'd like Susan Beckingham to advise you on this issue and other wedding-related issues, you can call me on 07816 684 756.  I promise that my organs of opinion have been surgically removed.

Your Mum, your Mother-in-Law and Your Wedding

WITH APOLOGIES TO ALL THE LOVELY MUMS AND FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAWS OUT THERE.  THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU! 

And finally...I have got around to posting another blog - sorry it's taken so long. I'd like to offer some excuses but there are none

May I be the last person to wish you and yours a Happy New Year and let's hope 2012 is the bestest year yet, especially for those planning their weddings.  At the risk of giving away my age (I'm 104), I was born in the Year of the Dragon so given that we have another Dragon year I have decided, in fact it's the law, that 2012 is going to be pretty much brilliant.

Today I have decided to share with you another good reason for hiring a wedding planner. Well, there's a surprise, she would say that wouldn't she?  It's this: Your Mother and unfortunately, sometimes, your future Mother-in-Law.  There, I said it so don't hate me.

Well gadzooks, the wedding forums I've been reading have got some shocking stories of what amounts to the most hideous level of interference from people who are supposed to love their daughters, but the following issues keep coming up and so I thought I'd make it clear why you NEED A WEDDING PLANNER to deal with it all.

I feel great sympathy for Mums and Mothers-in-Law as they are only trying to help and sometimes, if she's gone through a divorce from your Dad I understand that she wants to make it all better so that you have a fabulous start to your own marriage but sometimes the way to hell is paved with good intentions, wouldn't you say? 

Contract and Contact

Let's start by saying that if you hire me, our contract will stipulate that I act on your behalf and for noone else. I'm quite strict on this for obvious reasons and this means that although I can reduce options for you and present elements which I think you'd like (based on our frequent contact) I can't and won't make your decisions.  This also means that if, or rather when, your Mum/Mother-in Law finds out that you've hired me, does some research, finds out who I am and calls me (oh yes) you will be glad to know that any orders requests and preferences, even a desire to change the wedding date (yes, this has happened) will be parried and managed - politely, of course!

Professional Distance

This sounds obvious but suppose that you're really stuck for ideas; you've given me some ideas for example you may want "classy" or "spring wedding" so off I toddle to create what wedding planners call "my vision".  If you're not keen on any of my ideas then I go away and find some more for you.  Seemples.

If your Mum does this, she may  be offended as you are in effect rejecting her taste or her choices.  Hmm...painful.

Remember also that you have no history with me - I know nothing about your upbringing, family stories, break-ups, family rows and any of the other jiggery pokery that may have gone on in your life. So your lovely Mum's claims that "you've always loved bright Tangerine (incidentally the Pantone Colour of the Year) and your dear-departed Granny would be heartbroken if your bridesmaids don't wear it" don't cut the mustard with me.  Our initial meeting will establish colours you like and those that make you feel bilious.  If the matriarch insists, send her in my direction, I have no problems with that little word, "no".

The Wedding of her Dreams

Oh dear, this is a knotty problem, isn't it?  You know, I don't think some Mothers and MILs have the first clue that they are actually trying to foister on you the wedding that they didn't have, they really don't, they just think that it's all going to be lovely. 

Listen - it's the wedding of your dreams, so if you get me on board you will hear me ask something like *coughs* "...and your Mum/Mother-in-Law?  What does she think?  Any likely, err, challenges for me to deal with?" and then I know to board up my door and change my mobile ring tone to the Nellie the Elephant theme to recognise her number. 

Money, Money, Money

OK I hear you. Your Mum and Dad are paying for the whole thing/part of it/the reception and as they say , "he who pays the piper calls the tune".  One thing to do here:

Sit down with them and TALK about this issue before it goes too far, before any planning is done and before anyone ends up in tears, ie you.  Get me working with you as early as you can to protect you from this issue, to help you to plan your Budget (I love a spreadsheet).  Oh yes, and open a separate bank account for your wedding money, it makes life a lot easier.

But...

He loves his Mum and doesn't want to hurt her.  Well of COURSE he loves his Mum, she brought him up to be a nice lad and you're marrying him because he doesn't leave the toilet seat up, he remembers to put cups in the dishwasher and he rubs your feet at the end of a long day  He's kind and considerate because she brought him up not to be waited on and you should marry him - oh. You are. Your husband-to-be will be caught between a rock and a hard place - pleasing you and trying to keep his Mum happy.

Yours truly knows how to deal with this: there's a certain professional distance that will go a long way to solving this issue and as I said, it's your choices that count

I've Done This Before, you know...

Obvious one but it needs saying - although she organised her own wedding years ago, your Mum has not planned, implemented and managed lots of weddings and there are many details that need to be established and checked otherwise you will find that there is no knife to cut your cake, that the florist has written the date down in the wrong month (she didn't call or email to confirm), that there are two weddings on the same day etc just because she didn't know to find out about these fiddly details.  

My check-lists are legendary.  OK, they're not but you  know what I mean.

Yes, she has organised her own wedding but that doesn't count.  OK? Many people (mainly women, sigh...) think that planning other people's weddings is easy peasy if you've co-ordinated your own. It's not.  Don't make me come over to your house and explain why.

As your wedding planner, you will be pleased to know that after a long career in business sales, I know how to read people's body language, which helps if you're dealing with difficult people (someone who should have known better - no names no pack drill - turned her back on me yesterday and directed all answers to my questions to the couple rather than me.  Hey ho!)

You know, this sounds mad, but I'm available for you.  You can call me out-of-hours and if you like I can meet you on a Sunday - or any time, come to think of it. Your Mum may have "other stuff" going on in her life, both personal and professional and dare I say it, she may forget to do something very important - you know, like booking the caterer and then where would you be?  Hungry, I guess. 

Also, I'm a bit older than the norm and have lots of life experiences to draw on.  I can deal with your Mum or your Mother-in-Law, no problemo.

So...set the tone of your marriage and start as you mean to go on.  Get your wedding best friend on board as early as you can.  Go on, you know you want to.

Susan

x

If you'd like me to help you with any aspect of planning your wedding or civil partnership, contact me on 07816 684 756.

My Top 10 Ideas for a Hen Do...in Brighton, of course!

Hello, brides-to-be and fellow readers.  I hope you're all enjoying the dismal month that is November and that you're all looking forward to Christmas.  Me, I start looking forward to Christmas straight after Bonfire Night but that's because I'm actually only 12.  For those that got married during November, well, I'm sure it wasn't at all dismal.  Greetings to Tasha and Donna whose civil partnership at Terraces Bar and Grill was rounded off by fireworks everywhere!  Lovely.


Anyway, today's lesson is...The Hen Do.  Yes, I know this is the subject that will strike terror and dread into the soul of your Chief Bridesmaid as it is her, ladies and gents, who will be tasked with this oh-so-joyous task and as I know, it can be stressful to organise. You, as  the Bride will be the centre of attention and it will be worth it in the end.  (By the way, I MAY do a blog on stag nights but then again I may not.  It's my blog.  Pffft).  


And so.  Given that I live in God's own city of BrightonandHove, and in view of the fact that Fat Boy Slim is the Mayor (or at least he probably should be), I highly recommend Brighton as your hen do destination of choice.   It's certainly a city that knows how to have fun and as you probably know, you don't have to look very hard to spy random groups of women dressed up as policewomen, nurses etc having fun - unless of course, I'm a bit behind the times and our public sector is allowed alcohol on duty whilst moving in a pack formation.


Brighton's lively eclectic mix of people and its vibrant mix of culture and trashy makes it a tippity top party destination and I recommend it to the house.  I've narrowed down my recommendations to just ten but don't consider this list exhaustive, contact me for some ideas if you don't see anything you fancy.  One of my "things" is organising hen weekends and being creative about the whole thing and I love doing it.


One thing, though:  I don't do sleazy.  If you're looking for that sort of thing, there are ways and means of finding it (a few clicks on Google) but as your Wedding Fairy Godmother, I may have a fit of the vapours if you ask me to organise male strippers.  This is a willy free zone.  No willies, OK?


On this, I recommend you to have a quiet word with your Chief Bridesmaid about what you don't want and also you may like to agree an approximate budget.  Remember that those who care about you may certainly want to come and celebrate your forthcoming wedding but may not be earning a shed-load so do be sensitive.  Don't become a Bridezilla any sooner than is strictly necessary.


Let's go...


Firstly....Your Theme (otherwise known as What to Wear)


This is quite an interesting subject.  On more than one occasion I've been able to spot the Bride amongst her hen friends because she's the one looking glam and lovely whilst her slightly overweight friends look a bit, well, frightful.  PVC leggings don't really suit everyone, I find (snigger).  Other hen groups I've spotted have made me want to go and ask if their Mums know that they're out dressed like that: the full Moulin Rouge look (without the safety of an overcoat for later on) being sported by a group of very young women whom I saw once just made me feel rather protective.


I wish I'd had a camera to capture the very chic ladies dressed as the Jean Paul Gaultier Sailors, turning heads and getting many admiring glances on the seafront last summer.  However, I DID have a camera to capture this group of ladies, dressed as Disney figures on a hot and sunny Saturday in July 2010.  A 360 degree mirror is a must, I'm sure you will agree:

THINGS TO DO


The "Hen do" can last over a weekend so I thought you'd appreciate the following ideas:


10.  A trip on the Brighton Wheel


Launched last month amidst a degree of controversy and a lot of debate about whether it spoils the view for residents, this appears set to be a permanent fixture on the sea front.  I must admit I was a bit taken aback to see it there as it looks a bit out of place, however I hear that it's lots of fun and that you can see for miles and miles.  It's £8 per adult but they offer bespoke group and party bookings so it may be worth checking out.


http://www.brightonwheel.com/packages/group-bookings-and-parties/

9.  A Treasure Hunt or a Brighton Walk


Sounds dull?  Don't think so!  Think about it - how do you fill the hours before you can legitimately start drinking? Remember that a) Brighton is full of really cool history, including some grizzly bizarre murders, the hilarious Prince Regent and his floozy Mrs Fitzherbert and b) it has some interesting architecture that really IS interesting. Clearly, I am my Father's daughter, who was a member of the Antiquarian Society.


A treasure hunt splits you into two groups and you race against the clock to find clues and win  prizes, woo hoo!  As the Bride you could have a quiet word to make sure that your team wins but you didn't hear that from me.


I like the look of this lady:


http://www.brightonwalks.com/Treasure%20hunts.html

and this local company looks good, too:

http://www.thebrightontreasurehuntcompany.co.uk/

8. Make your Own Pop Video

Now then now then, this sounds like brilliant fun.  At £70 each, it's not a cheap option but if you and your hen pals have always wanted to be pop divas, here's your chance!  Decide on a song and a theme and then at a studio in Brighton, you're all greeted with a glass of bubbly and after some make-up and styling, a choreographer takes you through some bustin' moves.  You get a copy of the DVD once it's been edited and lo...your moment in the sun is captured for ever.

Have a look at the website, there are some other creative ideas for you here as well:

http://www.adventureconnections.co.uk/activities/hen_pop_party.jsp

7.  Fish Pedicure

I wondered about putting this in as there's been a bit of adverse publicity about this in the press in recent weeks, however, if you fancy trying this out don't let it put you off.  You and your feathered females sit on squidgy benches and allow small fish (Garra Rufa fish, to be precise) to eat at the scuzzy hard bits on your feet.  This, I'm told, is very relaxing and actually works.  I must admit that submitting my feet to this treatment would constitute cruelty to small fish so I'll pass, but if you fancy it, have a look at:

http://www.asasespa.co.uk/

6.  A Boat Tour from the Marina

This is LOTS of fun and there are quite a few companies who will offer hen groups exclusive use of a boat and a couple of nice chappies to sail it.  If you ask nicely, you can take drinkies on board as you sail from the Marina to the Pier and back.  Check the weather beforehand as if it's rough you may need to have a plan B. Trips normally last about an hour and if you're the Bride, you can be Queen of the World.  Like this:

Or, you can just be some sad old soak, like this:

Any resemblance to your hard-working wedding planner is entirely coincidental.


Oh, another thing...Don't forget to go to the Marina via the Volks Railway near the Pier.


6. A Spa Day


A typical hen do activity but nothing wrong with that.  Again, not cheap so think hard about whether a Spa Day AND cocktails AND dinner AND a night club is within everyone's budget before you book it. However, you may feel that there is some sort of being good/caning it later equation here and it's hard to argue with this philosophy.  Gather with your clucky ones, don white dressing gowns and towelling flip flops and acknowledge that your body is a temple.  


There may not be a whole lot of space if you have a large party so my advice is to check numbers with the venue.  Check out The Hilton, The Grand Hotel or my favourite:


http://www.thetreatmentrooms.co.uk/treatments/

5. A Tutored Wine Tasting

Lovely idea. Here's the deal:  BEFORE you start on the serious partying, get your friends together late afternoon to try very good wines and to learn about them.  Find a venue of your choice (or I can source one for you) and discover the wonderful world of high quality wines.  Remember also that you may be on the look-out for a decent supplier of wines for your wedding and this is a great way to find them. I promise that there are no spitoons involved (what a wonderful word that is).  I highly rate this chap:

http://elwoodwines.co.uk/index.html

4. Going on The Pier

Not going on the Pier would just be plain rude.  There are slot machines, fish and chips with champagne, karaoke, more slot machines, a ghost train, bumper cars and...The Dolphin Derby: People battle it out to get as many balls down holes as they can while a dolphin races across in front of you.  It's uniquely Brighton and has its own song and a Facebook page.  Who knew?

4. Going out for Dinner

Hey, you need to eat to soak up the booze and to give you energy for al the jigging about you are going to do later and you have come to no better place than Brighton.  Places I would recommend are Casa Don Carlos, a fab tapas restaurant in The Lanes, Breeze Restaurant in Trafalgar Street - chic and fun, Browns in Duke Street (equally chic), and Al Forno in The Lanes - not chic!  But cheap, filling and loads of space if you have a crowd.

There are a great many restaurants in Brighton, so either give me a call for advice or check out:

http://www.visitbrighton.com/eating-and-drinking

3.  Cocktails

Oooh yes.  You either love them or hate them (me, I only like Margaritas and only then without the salt) but they're rather glitzy glam and hey, you get to nick the umbrella and swizzle stick thing to take home afterwards.   Again, lots of choice of really good Brighton-based cocktail bars:

Koba Bar, 135 Western Road

Hotel du Vin, 2-6 Ship Street

In Vino Veritas , 103 North Road

Valentinos - New Road, next to the theatre (recommended for people-watching from the balcony)

Cosmobar, 21 New Steine

Just don't blame me if your friends tell you the next day that you told everyone in the bar that you loved them.

2.  Comedy at The Komedia

A great place to laugh like a drain at some very funny people, have a few drinks and chill out.  You'll see many up-and-coming comedians here and then when they're on the telly you can feel all smug that you saw them before they were famous. The Krater Comedy Club has a special offer for its 10.30pm show at just £10. Very good value.

http://www.komedia.co.uk/brighton/krater/

And finally....drum roll for the most fun ever on a hen night goes to:

1.  Silent Disco

This odd, slightly bonkers concept has been around for a few years and has taken off big time.  Here's how it works:  In a nutshell, people dance to music being listened to on wireless headphones, the signal of which is broadcast by an FM transmitter. In general there are two different channels which means that you're often wondering why someone is vogue-ing when you're doing the birdy song dance.  The effect is quite splendid, a bit like this:

1.  Find a place with a function room (Try The Lord Nelson in Trafalgar St. or The Sovereign in Preston St)

2.  Download music to your iPod

3.  Link up iPod to transmitter

4.  Put on headphones

Dance around like a loony.  I can't really say why this is such good fun, perhaps if you know, you could enlighten me.  The main company that provides the equipment is

http://www.silentdiscolondon.co.uk/


So, that's all for now - well done if you've managed to get through to the end of this and I hope you've not all lost the will to live!  Anyway, I hope you enjoy your hen do, whatever you end up doing and that if you have to wear a veil with an "L" plate on it, you will find it in your heart to forgive your friends for this minor transgression.  Remember that I'm chocca full of ideas and part of my remit is to help you to plan anything and everything to do with your wedding.


Also...have I missed anything?  Any shocking omissions that you need to tell me about?  Let me know below!


Give me a call on 07816 684 756.


Bye for now,


Susan