By the way, I will be exhibiting at The Brighton Metropole Wedding Fayre on Sunday October 2nd, 11.00am to 4.00pm Come along! Talk loudly to everyone else about "that nice lady at Perfect Day"; I have those big purple Quality Street sweets on my stand for you to pinch and you can win a bottle of Veuve Cliquot. Woo hoooo!
So....what is today's lesson all about? Well, having seen the totally hilarious and a bit near-the-knuckle movie "Bridesmaids", I have decided to pontificate on this most important of roles and impart my wisdom thereto. As always, I like to start with a bit of...
History
In days of old when knights were bold, apparently the bridesmaids (brydesmaydes?) used to dress the same as the bride in order to confuse evil or malevolent spirits who had clearly decided to turn up without an invitation. So...the bride turns up at the church but the Bad Luck fairy beats a hasty retreat due to not being able to recognise who's getting married, no doubt muttering "curses, if it wasn't for those pesky looky likey bridesmaids I would have got her", or was that Scooby Do? Great cartoon until the introduction of Scrappy Do, the annoying nephew.
Another suggested origin (and I really like this one) is that the bridesmaids' presence was said to derive from "marriage by capture" and that they were originally members of the Groom's family who escorted her to the wedding to make sure that she didn't escape. Blimey. Harsh, but handy.
Whatever the origin, the role of the bridesmaids is to support the bride; it is not to turn up, get p****** and then snog the best man.
I also sometimes wonder just how much the bride actually likes you if you turn up for a dress fitting to discover that she's bought you peach taffeta. Just saying.
Anyway, here are my random thoughts:
It's an Honour
If the Bride asks you to be Chief Bridesmaid/Maid of Honour (if you're single) or Matron of Honour (if you're married) then you should be very flattered; it's a very responsible job and brings with it all sort of stress but YOU CAN DO IT, CAN'T YOU? Friendships can be destroyed by a bridesmaid who lets down her bride so think carefully about it before you say "yes". If you back out just a few months or weeks before the wedding you will probably be struck off the Christmas card list.
You are Head Girl without the badge. (Sigh. I always wanted to be Head Girl, but never even made it to Form Captain. Lovely enamelled dark blue badges to pin to your regulation school jumper. I'm not bitter, though, and have had therapy).
Qualities for a Chief Bridesmaid (CB)
Now then. Are you:
Organised. The CB looks after the Bride, not the other way around. As CB, do not bemoan your lot, weep on your Bride's shoulder because your boyf is a bit of a tool, or ring her up to tell her "how stressed you are". Do I need to explain why?
Calm. Can you "keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you" and can you "meet triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same"? If you can (thanks, Mr Kipling) then you are ideal CB material. If not, think on.
Enthusiastic. Do you like weddings and are you cheerful and positive about your friend's forthcoming nuptials?
Focused. Being distracted on the day by your young children and/or other stuff going on during the day is not helpful. Make sure that you have contingency plans to keep you focused.
Co-operative. Don't argue about things. One of the main aspects to being a Bride is to be enabled to have things your way. As CB, accept this, yes even if your dress is day-glo orange. If your dress is day-go orange I have the name of a good counsellor. The bridal party below, however is beyond help.
Hmmnnn....Nice.
What does the Chief Bridesmaid do?
If the Bride has hired a wedding planner, (pick me! pick me!) a meeting with her and her Groom, the Best Man and the Planner herself should be organised for all of you to agree who does what.
Remember that a wedding planner will take on a great deal of the organisation and management of the day itself and an agreed number of tasks as part of her agreement with the Bride in terms of preparation so this means that many stressful and time-consuming elements are reduced.
As a wedding planner, I would create an itemised list of responsibilities for everyone, agree this with my clients and then email it to you. Hurrah! I know that you love me already, don't you?
Here is a list. I love lists, don't you? You know where you are with a list.
- Attending dress fittings with the Bride
- Liaising with the Best Man about arrangements as they progress
- Attending the wedding rehearsal
On the day itself:
- Being calm and re-assuring
- Helping the Bride to dress
- Organising the other bridesmaids, especially if they're young
- Arranging the Bride's dress correctly as she comes out of the car/horse drawn cart/descends from the elephant
- Lining everyone up to walk down the aisle
- Taking the Bride's bouquet during the ceremony
- Signing of the register if you are a witness
- Keeping a constant eye on the Bride to make sure she is OK
- Organising the Reception line-up to greet guests
- Making sure the bouquet is kept somewhere safe, perhaps for preserving
- Helping the Best Man with the organisation of photographs
- Dancing like a mad thing throughout the evening, dodging the clutches of the Embarrassing Drunken Uncle
- Look after the wedding dress after the Bride and Groom have changed into their going away outfits. Liaise with Best Man to ensure that the dress is delivered to her home.
Phew...I'm a bit tired just thinking about all of this, aren't you?
Lovely pic by Sharyn Esteves of Helen (bridesmaid) and Ros (bride)
What's that I hear you say? Hmmmm? Anything I left out? Ah yes...
Organising the Hen Night
The most stressful thing that the CB is involved in. Here, for example, are the recent words of an anguished poster from a wedding forum:
Hi, Is it just me or has organising the hen party been nearly as stressful as the wedding!
I'm really feeling stressed today aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
Help!! 
Hmmm...I think I need say no more. Well, apart from the fact that the people who don't respond have poorly-developed manners and are probably the sort of people who stand behind trestle tables at wedding fayres and who give me the evil eye. Perhaps I should clone myself so that who ever is trying to hex me gets confused.
Back soon, with more planner pontifications on Ideas for a Hen Night. If you'd like me to put together that list I just mentioned, call me, Susan Beckingham on 07816 684 756.
