My Top 10 Ideas for a Hen Do...in Brighton, of course!

Hello, brides-to-be and fellow readers.  I hope you're all enjoying the dismal month that is November and that you're all looking forward to Christmas.  Me, I start looking forward to Christmas straight after Bonfire Night but that's because I'm actually only 12.  For those that got married during November, well, I'm sure it wasn't at all dismal.  Greetings to Tasha and Donna whose civil partnership at Terraces Bar and Grill was rounded off by fireworks everywhere!  Lovely.


Anyway, today's lesson is...The Hen Do.  Yes, I know this is the subject that will strike terror and dread into the soul of your Chief Bridesmaid as it is her, ladies and gents, who will be tasked with this oh-so-joyous task and as I know, it can be stressful to organise. You, as  the Bride will be the centre of attention and it will be worth it in the end.  (By the way, I MAY do a blog on stag nights but then again I may not.  It's my blog.  Pffft).  


And so.  Given that I live in God's own city of BrightonandHove, and in view of the fact that Fat Boy Slim is the Mayor (or at least he probably should be), I highly recommend Brighton as your hen do destination of choice.   It's certainly a city that knows how to have fun and as you probably know, you don't have to look very hard to spy random groups of women dressed up as policewomen, nurses etc having fun - unless of course, I'm a bit behind the times and our public sector is allowed alcohol on duty whilst moving in a pack formation.


Brighton's lively eclectic mix of people and its vibrant mix of culture and trashy makes it a tippity top party destination and I recommend it to the house.  I've narrowed down my recommendations to just ten but don't consider this list exhaustive, contact me for some ideas if you don't see anything you fancy.  One of my "things" is organising hen weekends and being creative about the whole thing and I love doing it.


One thing, though:  I don't do sleazy.  If you're looking for that sort of thing, there are ways and means of finding it (a few clicks on Google) but as your Wedding Fairy Godmother, I may have a fit of the vapours if you ask me to organise male strippers.  This is a willy free zone.  No willies, OK?


On this, I recommend you to have a quiet word with your Chief Bridesmaid about what you don't want and also you may like to agree an approximate budget.  Remember that those who care about you may certainly want to come and celebrate your forthcoming wedding but may not be earning a shed-load so do be sensitive.  Don't become a Bridezilla any sooner than is strictly necessary.


Let's go...


Firstly....Your Theme (otherwise known as What to Wear)


This is quite an interesting subject.  On more than one occasion I've been able to spot the Bride amongst her hen friends because she's the one looking glam and lovely whilst her slightly overweight friends look a bit, well, frightful.  PVC leggings don't really suit everyone, I find (snigger).  Other hen groups I've spotted have made me want to go and ask if their Mums know that they're out dressed like that: the full Moulin Rouge look (without the safety of an overcoat for later on) being sported by a group of very young women whom I saw once just made me feel rather protective.


I wish I'd had a camera to capture the very chic ladies dressed as the Jean Paul Gaultier Sailors, turning heads and getting many admiring glances on the seafront last summer.  However, I DID have a camera to capture this group of ladies, dressed as Disney figures on a hot and sunny Saturday in July 2010.  A 360 degree mirror is a must, I'm sure you will agree:

THINGS TO DO


The "Hen do" can last over a weekend so I thought you'd appreciate the following ideas:


10.  A trip on the Brighton Wheel


Launched last month amidst a degree of controversy and a lot of debate about whether it spoils the view for residents, this appears set to be a permanent fixture on the sea front.  I must admit I was a bit taken aback to see it there as it looks a bit out of place, however I hear that it's lots of fun and that you can see for miles and miles.  It's £8 per adult but they offer bespoke group and party bookings so it may be worth checking out.


http://www.brightonwheel.com/packages/group-bookings-and-parties/

9.  A Treasure Hunt or a Brighton Walk


Sounds dull?  Don't think so!  Think about it - how do you fill the hours before you can legitimately start drinking? Remember that a) Brighton is full of really cool history, including some grizzly bizarre murders, the hilarious Prince Regent and his floozy Mrs Fitzherbert and b) it has some interesting architecture that really IS interesting. Clearly, I am my Father's daughter, who was a member of the Antiquarian Society.


A treasure hunt splits you into two groups and you race against the clock to find clues and win  prizes, woo hoo!  As the Bride you could have a quiet word to make sure that your team wins but you didn't hear that from me.


I like the look of this lady:


http://www.brightonwalks.com/Treasure%20hunts.html

and this local company looks good, too:

http://www.thebrightontreasurehuntcompany.co.uk/

8. Make your Own Pop Video

Now then now then, this sounds like brilliant fun.  At £70 each, it's not a cheap option but if you and your hen pals have always wanted to be pop divas, here's your chance!  Decide on a song and a theme and then at a studio in Brighton, you're all greeted with a glass of bubbly and after some make-up and styling, a choreographer takes you through some bustin' moves.  You get a copy of the DVD once it's been edited and lo...your moment in the sun is captured for ever.

Have a look at the website, there are some other creative ideas for you here as well:

http://www.adventureconnections.co.uk/activities/hen_pop_party.jsp

7.  Fish Pedicure

I wondered about putting this in as there's been a bit of adverse publicity about this in the press in recent weeks, however, if you fancy trying this out don't let it put you off.  You and your feathered females sit on squidgy benches and allow small fish (Garra Rufa fish, to be precise) to eat at the scuzzy hard bits on your feet.  This, I'm told, is very relaxing and actually works.  I must admit that submitting my feet to this treatment would constitute cruelty to small fish so I'll pass, but if you fancy it, have a look at:

http://www.asasespa.co.uk/

6.  A Boat Tour from the Marina

This is LOTS of fun and there are quite a few companies who will offer hen groups exclusive use of a boat and a couple of nice chappies to sail it.  If you ask nicely, you can take drinkies on board as you sail from the Marina to the Pier and back.  Check the weather beforehand as if it's rough you may need to have a plan B. Trips normally last about an hour and if you're the Bride, you can be Queen of the World.  Like this:

Or, you can just be some sad old soak, like this:

Any resemblance to your hard-working wedding planner is entirely coincidental.


Oh, another thing...Don't forget to go to the Marina via the Volks Railway near the Pier.


6. A Spa Day


A typical hen do activity but nothing wrong with that.  Again, not cheap so think hard about whether a Spa Day AND cocktails AND dinner AND a night club is within everyone's budget before you book it. However, you may feel that there is some sort of being good/caning it later equation here and it's hard to argue with this philosophy.  Gather with your clucky ones, don white dressing gowns and towelling flip flops and acknowledge that your body is a temple.  


There may not be a whole lot of space if you have a large party so my advice is to check numbers with the venue.  Check out The Hilton, The Grand Hotel or my favourite:


http://www.thetreatmentrooms.co.uk/treatments/

5. A Tutored Wine Tasting

Lovely idea. Here's the deal:  BEFORE you start on the serious partying, get your friends together late afternoon to try very good wines and to learn about them.  Find a venue of your choice (or I can source one for you) and discover the wonderful world of high quality wines.  Remember also that you may be on the look-out for a decent supplier of wines for your wedding and this is a great way to find them. I promise that there are no spitoons involved (what a wonderful word that is).  I highly rate this chap:

http://elwoodwines.co.uk/index.html

4. Going on The Pier

Not going on the Pier would just be plain rude.  There are slot machines, fish and chips with champagne, karaoke, more slot machines, a ghost train, bumper cars and...The Dolphin Derby: People battle it out to get as many balls down holes as they can while a dolphin races across in front of you.  It's uniquely Brighton and has its own song and a Facebook page.  Who knew?

4. Going out for Dinner

Hey, you need to eat to soak up the booze and to give you energy for al the jigging about you are going to do later and you have come to no better place than Brighton.  Places I would recommend are Casa Don Carlos, a fab tapas restaurant in The Lanes, Breeze Restaurant in Trafalgar Street - chic and fun, Browns in Duke Street (equally chic), and Al Forno in The Lanes - not chic!  But cheap, filling and loads of space if you have a crowd.

There are a great many restaurants in Brighton, so either give me a call for advice or check out:

http://www.visitbrighton.com/eating-and-drinking

3.  Cocktails

Oooh yes.  You either love them or hate them (me, I only like Margaritas and only then without the salt) but they're rather glitzy glam and hey, you get to nick the umbrella and swizzle stick thing to take home afterwards.   Again, lots of choice of really good Brighton-based cocktail bars:

Koba Bar, 135 Western Road

Hotel du Vin, 2-6 Ship Street

In Vino Veritas , 103 North Road

Valentinos - New Road, next to the theatre (recommended for people-watching from the balcony)

Cosmobar, 21 New Steine

Just don't blame me if your friends tell you the next day that you told everyone in the bar that you loved them.

2.  Comedy at The Komedia

A great place to laugh like a drain at some very funny people, have a few drinks and chill out.  You'll see many up-and-coming comedians here and then when they're on the telly you can feel all smug that you saw them before they were famous. The Krater Comedy Club has a special offer for its 10.30pm show at just £10. Very good value.

http://www.komedia.co.uk/brighton/krater/

And finally....drum roll for the most fun ever on a hen night goes to:

1.  Silent Disco

This odd, slightly bonkers concept has been around for a few years and has taken off big time.  Here's how it works:  In a nutshell, people dance to music being listened to on wireless headphones, the signal of which is broadcast by an FM transmitter. In general there are two different channels which means that you're often wondering why someone is vogue-ing when you're doing the birdy song dance.  The effect is quite splendid, a bit like this:

1.  Find a place with a function room (Try The Lord Nelson in Trafalgar St. or The Sovereign in Preston St)

2.  Download music to your iPod

3.  Link up iPod to transmitter

4.  Put on headphones

Dance around like a loony.  I can't really say why this is such good fun, perhaps if you know, you could enlighten me.  The main company that provides the equipment is

http://www.silentdiscolondon.co.uk/


So, that's all for now - well done if you've managed to get through to the end of this and I hope you've not all lost the will to live!  Anyway, I hope you enjoy your hen do, whatever you end up doing and that if you have to wear a veil with an "L" plate on it, you will find it in your heart to forgive your friends for this minor transgression.  Remember that I'm chocca full of ideas and part of my remit is to help you to plan anything and everything to do with your wedding.


Also...have I missed anything?  Any shocking omissions that you need to tell me about?  Let me know below!


Give me a call on 07816 684 756.


Bye for now,


Susan

Calling All Brides...was here!

First of all, SPECIAL OFFER ALERT, SPECIAL OFFER ALERT!!


For couples who book before the end of October for my On-the-Day Management Service (you need this - don't ask your Mum/Bridesmaid/Best Man to do the honours...let them have a wee dram instead) the price is £650 (rather than £800).  Yes, I know - brilliant, huh?



Today, given that I didn't win £101m on the Lottery, I thought that I'd carry on working as a wedding planner rather than jetting off to say, Martinique or buying the Isle of Wight. Why oh why do they go public, though - are they bonkers? 


What has your hard-working wedding planner been up to lately, I hear you all cry. Well, at the risk of stating the obvious, I have been doing...stuff. I flashed my winning smile at brides (they all ran away, understandably) at the Hilton Metropole Wedding Fair (pix and blog to follow) but more importantly, Calling all Brides took place at the Brighton Racecourse on Friday 7th October and a jolly evening was had by all.


The Racecourse gained a wedding licence earlier this year so do check out the Silks Room - it's a lovely place to get married, not least because the view from the terrace across Sussex is spectacular.  Have a look at their website:


http://www.brighton-racecourse.co.uk/venue-hire/weddings.php


Now then, I'd like to take credit for this idea but sadly... I can't! Wedding planner supremo Natalie Lovett from Love to Plan in Swindon had a bit of a lightbulb moment and decided that brides-to-be may want to have a jolly girls' night and be given the opportunity to try out hair, nails and make-up for their wedding in a  more relaxed environment than one normally encounters at wedding fayres and how right she was!  


Natalie also sells lovely wedding accessories and had a stand there on the night.  Have a look at http://lovetoplan.co.uk/products-page/.


So, Calling all Brides was brought to Brighton.  Here we both are:

Picture: Ian Trevett, Rosebery Images

OK, now - indulge me.  How do you think that you come out in photos?  Do you think that some people (like Natalie) are just naturally photogenic and that some people (like me) immediately get lock-jaw syndrome and end up looking like a moose when someone points a camera at them.  It would appear that I'm substantially less good-looking than I think and I need to accept this.  Sigh.  Another learning curve. 


So...back to Calling all Brides.  By about 4pm I was starting to get a bit excited, not least because Dawn Davies, Events Manager at the Brighton Racecourse had done such a champion job of organising the set up of the Silks Room (thanks to Sam, too!). However, by 4.30pm I started to get anxious as I then decided that nobody would come - that feeling you get when you organise a party - and that all the exhibitors and I would best spend our time getting p***** on the free sparking wine provided by Hardings.  


I needn't have worried.  There was a queue outside at 6.30pm.  "Hello" if you were one of the early arrivals by the way.


So, before the descent of the marauding hordes, we all gathered for a team photo:

From l to r: Ian Trevett (Rosebery Images), Julie Storey (The Brighton Cupcake Company), Donna Crain (Donna Crain Couture), Zara Earthey (Bello Amore Bridal), Dawn Davies (Brighton Racecourse), Kara Jackson (Donna Crain Couture), Natalie Lovett (Love to Plan), Susan Beckingham (Perfect Day), Claire Wallace (Claire Wallace Hairdressing), Amanda Samain (Amanda-J), Lesley (Claire Wallace), Peter Campbell-Wells (magician - Pete's Parlour Magic)


Then...people came in and it all got rather busy.  The bar opened, wine was bought.


In addition to the fab beauty specialists on the night, Calling all Brides was delighted to welcome Julie Storey of The Brighton Cupcake Company who provided delicious free cupcakes.  You can find Julie's lovely cakes at  http://thebrightoncupcakecompany.co.uk/


A special "thank you", too to Donna Crain Couture ( http://donnacrain.com/) whose lovely vintage-style jewellery was a perfect complement to the various new hair do's that I could see emerging.  Do have a look at her site - if you don't like her pieces then quite frankly, you have a heart of flint.


Just out of interest, you know that boring bit on a wedding day when the photographs go on for ever and ever and you start to lose the will to live?  Well, I've got just the chap to keep people engaged:  The rather splendidly witty and talented Peter Campbell-Wells is a magician who specialises in close-up magic to entertain your guests.  Have a look at:  http://www.parlourmagic.co.uk/



So, here are the beauty specialists hard at work: 

Picture: Ian Trevett, Rosebery Images

This is Amanda Samain, doing what she does best with a lovely bride-to-be.

Picture, Ian Trevett, Rosebery Images

The talented Zara Earthey from Bello Amore gets to grips with some eye make-up for a guest on the night.

Picture: Ian Trevett, Rosebery Images

Bridal make-up advice from Claire Wallace, an expert in hair and make-up.

There were queues for each of the specialists so I have to offer them a heart-felt "thank you" (group hug! group hug!) for being so brilliant on the night, not least for providing their services FOR FREE, as did everyone. 


Ian from Rosebery Images took the fab photos and guests were able to take home free photos as he brought his printer along.  I have some beautiful examples of these but would only publish them with permission so if this was you, let me know and I'll give you a name-check!


We even had a raffle.  I love a raffle, don't you, it's all terribly British isn't it?  The triumph of hope over experience... but someone has to win and win they did:  Donna Crain provided a pair of earrings (ooh), Benefit gave £150 worth of cosmetics (ooh ooh) and there was even a year's subscription to Your Sussex Wedding Magazine.


I've already had some useful feedback on the night and the next one (February 2012, watch this space) will be even better so expect to hear from me with the details.  I will come round to your house and make sure that you come.  You can't mistake me, that'll be the lock-jawed moose coming down your drive. 


With thanks to:


http://roseberyimages.co.uk/

http://amanda-j.co.uk/

http://www.belloamore.co.uk/

http://www.clairewallacehairdressing.co.uk/

http://www.fabricate-decor.co.uk/

http://www.hardingscatering.co.uk/

And a VERY SPECIAL "thank you" for providing freebies and fabulous special offers for the promotional bag to:

Ocean Bride, Brighton
Beautiful bespoke wedding gowns in a fabulous shop by the sea!

White Leaf Boutique, Brighton
Designed by Blanka, lovely wedding dresses in a beautiful setting

Beautiful and Useful, Hove
Mood boards for brides - lovely.  These beautifully made, fabric-covered boards are for couples at the early stages of wedding planning.

Benefit Cosmetics (Brighton)
And "hello" to Donna (and Tasha) whose big day is fast approaching!

Clarins (Brighton)
Karen: many thanks for your special offers.

The Treatment Rooms Brighton
Hello to Clare - and thank you for the discount vouchers

Drakes Hotel, Brighton
Check out Drakes on the seafront, it's fab - they hire out the entire venue for a maximum of 40 guests.

Shu Uemura, Brighton
Adam Inglis is at your service and he knows about skincare!

Elemis
Hello, ladies - thanks for the vouchers.

Grace Benson, Eastbourne
Lovely lady, great make-up artist.

Bye for now,

Susan
x

Are YOU Chief Bridesmaid material?

Well, hellooooo and welcome to my latest blob, blog. We are just about into Wedding Fayre season (is it really spelt "fayre"?) and hence my Sundays are about to be spent bestowing my winning smile on people standing behind cloth-covered tables at wedding venues.  The mention of the words "wedding planner" to wedding service suppliers generally divides reaction: those who look at me with suspicion and who emit low growling sounds... alternatively, I get crushed into an embrace and have my hand squeezed like the new BFF I clearly am.  

By the way, I will be exhibiting at The Brighton Metropole Wedding Fayre on Sunday October 2nd, 11.00am to 4.00pm  Come along!  Talk loudly to everyone else about "that nice lady at Perfect Day"; I have those big purple Quality Street sweets on my stand for you to pinch and you can win a bottle of Veuve Cliquot.  Woo hoooo!

http://www.stylisheventsfayres.com/hiltonmetropoleweddingfair.html

So....what is today's lesson all about?   Well, having seen the totally hilarious and a bit near-the-knuckle movie "Bridesmaids", I have decided to pontificate on this most important of roles and impart my wisdom thereto.  As always, I like to start with a bit of...

History

In days of old when knights were bold, apparently the bridesmaids (brydesmaydes?) used to dress the same as the bride in order to confuse evil or malevolent spirits who had clearly decided to turn up without an invitation. So...the bride turns up at the church but the Bad Luck fairy beats a hasty retreat due to not being able to recognise who's getting married, no doubt muttering "curses, if it wasn't for those pesky looky likey bridesmaids I would have got her", or was that Scooby Do? Great cartoon until the introduction of Scrappy Do, the annoying nephew.

Another suggested origin (and I really like this one) is that the bridesmaids' presence was said to derive from "marriage by capture" and that they were originally members of the Groom's family who escorted her to the wedding to make sure that she didn't escape.  Blimey.  Harsh, but handy.

Whatever the origin, the role of the bridesmaids is to support the bride; it is not to turn up, get p****** and then snog the best man.  

I also sometimes wonder just how much the bride actually likes you if you turn up for a dress fitting to discover that she's bought you peach taffeta.  Just saying.

Anyway, here are my random thoughts:

It's an Honour

If the Bride asks you to be Chief Bridesmaid/Maid of Honour  (if you're single) or Matron of Honour (if you're married) then you should be very flattered; it's a very responsible job and brings with it all sort of stress but YOU CAN DO IT, CAN'T YOU?  Friendships can be destroyed by a bridesmaid who lets down her bride so think carefully about it before you say "yes".  If you back out just a few months or weeks before the wedding you will probably be struck off the Christmas card list.  

You are Head Girl without the badge. (Sigh.  I always wanted to be Head Girl, but never even made it to Form Captain.  Lovely enamelled dark blue badges to pin to your regulation school jumper.  I'm not bitter, though, and have had therapy).

Qualities for a Chief Bridesmaid (CB)

Now then.  Are you:

Organised.  The CB looks after the Bride, not the other way around.  As CB, do not bemoan your lot, weep on your Bride's shoulder because your boyf is a bit of a tool,  or ring her up to tell her "how stressed you are".  Do I need to explain why?

Calm.  Can you "keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you" and can you "meet triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same"? If you can (thanks, Mr Kipling) then you are ideal CB material.  If not, think on.

Enthusiastic.  Do you like weddings and are you cheerful and positive about your friend's forthcoming nuptials?

Focused.  Being distracted on the day by your young children and/or other stuff going on during the day is not helpful.  Make sure that you have contingency plans to keep you focused.

Co-operative.  Don't argue about things.  One of the main aspects to being a Bride is to be enabled to have things your way.  As CB, accept this, yes even if your dress is day-glo orange. If your dress is day-go orange I have the name of a good counsellor.  The bridal party below, however is beyond help.

Hmmnnn....Nice. 

What does the Chief Bridesmaid do?

If the Bride has hired a wedding planner, (pick me! pick me!) a meeting with her and her Groom, the Best Man and the Planner herself should be organised for all of you to agree who does what.  

Remember that a wedding planner will take on a great deal of the organisation and management of the day itself and an agreed number of tasks as part of her agreement with the Bride in terms of preparation so this means that many stressful and time-consuming elements are reduced.  

As a wedding planner, I would create an itemised list of responsibilities for everyone, agree this with my clients and then email it to you.  Hurrah!  I know that you love me already, don't you?  

Here is a list.  I love lists, don't you?  You know where you are with a list. 

• Attending dress fittings with the Bride
• Liaising with the Best Man about arrangements as they progress
• Attending the wedding rehearsal

On the day itself:

• Being calm and re-assuring 
• Helping the Bride to dress
• Organising the other bridesmaids, especially if they're young
• Arranging the Bride's dress correctly as she comes out of the car/horse drawn cart/descends from the elephant
• Lining everyone up to walk down the aisle
• Taking the Bride's bouquet during the ceremony
• Signing of the register if you are a witness
• Keeping a constant eye on the Bride to make sure she is OK
• Organising the Reception line-up to greet guests
• Making sure the bouquet is kept somewhere safe, perhaps for preserving
• Helping the Best Man with the organisation of photographs
• Dancing like a mad thing throughout the evening, dodging the clutches of the Embarrassing Drunken Uncle
• Look after the wedding dress after the Bride and Groom have changed into their going away outfits.  Liaise with Best Man to ensure that the dress is delivered to her home.

Phew...I'm a bit tired just thinking about all of this, aren't you?

Lovely pic by Sharyn Esteves of Helen (bridesmaid) and Ros (bride)

What's that I hear you say?  Hmmmm?  Anything I left out?  Ah yes...

Organising the Hen Night

The most stressful thing that the CB is involved in. Here, for example, are the recent words of an anguished poster from a wedding forum:

Hi, Is it just me or has organising the hen party been nearly as stressful as the wedding!

I mentioned what i would like to do and everyone was up for it, I sent out invites with a card to return and allowed 3 weeks for replies - but still some people havnt replied nearly 4 weeks on...i dont think they realise how important the wedding and hen party are to me as I'm the bridesmaid...Why don't people respond?!

I'm really feeling stressed today aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Help!!  

Hmmm...I think I need say no more.  Well, apart from the fact that the people who don't respond have poorly-developed manners and are probably the sort of people who stand behind trestle tables at wedding fayres and who give me the evil eye.  Perhaps I should clone myself so that who ever is trying to hex me gets confused. 

Back soon, with more planner pontifications on Ideas for a Hen Night.  If you'd like me to put together that list I just mentioned, call me, Susan Beckingham on 07816 684 756.

Tip Top Top Tips!

Hello, blog readers and welcome to my latest post.  Wow, how fab did Zara Phillips look yesterday?  I am sooooo into pretty veils and she wore hers with great style and pizzazz, which really is just a reason for me to type the word "pizzazz", using my left little finger to type the letter z without looking at the keyboard.  You see, I clearly have my own private hell and must get out more.

Righto, time to concentrate, chew my biro lid creative-stylee and impart some wisdom on the planning and preparation of your forthcoming nuptials.

Here is a list of my top ten tips. 

1. First things first: Decide on a wedding date and book your venue

Don't even THINK about trying on wedding dresses and choosing colour schemes until you have decided on a wedding day and booked your preferred venue. In my experience it normally takes just over a year to plan a wedding and you need to sit down with your partner and think about WHEN and WHERE. Bear in mind that marrying in high summer is nearly always the most expensive option and yes, sorry to say this but you can never guarantee the weather. We don't live in the UK for the weather, though, do we?! Actually, why DO we live in the UK? (*chews pen lid*). You could even consider a winter wedding - very trendy (and cheaper) or make the most of a March wedding and decorate your venue with daffodils.

The choice of venue for your wedding or civil ceremony and reception is your next most important decision. I recommend that you draw up a rough guest list so that you know how many people you will need to accommodate and then create a short-list of venues based on this estimate and on the type of wedding you both want to have.

Make sure that you have adhered to all the legalities so that there are no nasty surprises or disappointments! Do your research on this and then you can start on the exciting bit - the wedding planning.

2. Decide on your budget

The average wedding budget for 2011, including the honeymoon is just under £24,000; this may sound like a lot (hey, it is a lot) but remember that this is a major celebration in your life and if you decide to invite more than 100 guests you will need to be prepared to spend some fairly big money if you're after the wedding of your dreams. This doesn't mean that you have to break that bank, just aim to get what you both want within realistic parameters.

My advice is to set your spending priority: where, for example, do you want most of your wedding budget to be allocated? For most, it's the venue, then the food and drink, closely followed by the wedding gown and lastly the honeymoon. If your parents are helping out, be very careful! Sit down with both sets and have an honest conversation about how much they can afford and then ask them to put the money into an account for you (cringe - I know, but believe me, you need to do this).

Create a budget on a spreadsheet or in a file and stick to it!

3. Hire a wedding planner

Let's dispel a few myths: wedding planners don't tell you what to do, they don't promote what they'd like and they don't make decisions for you! What I can do is save you time, reduce stress, eliminate problems and get you the best value for money. Remember that although I advise and recommend certain options, I've had my organs of opinion removed (yikes, painful), although I tend to like what my brides like as I can see how it best suits their style. I've never had a client whose wedding hasn't "suited" them.

A good planner will listen closely to you and then turn your dreams into big-day perfection. For example, if you can think of your ideal venue and a budget thereto, she will short-list six of them for you to visit; she'll help you find a photographer in the same way, a florist, a wedding car, a wedding dress. She'll manage your guest list, trouble-shoot and manage your day so that you and your partner (and your family) have a fabulous day. A Perfect Day, in fact.  And talking of finance...

4. Consider a pre-nuptial agreement

I strongly recommend that you and your partner discuss your finances in an honest and open way before you get married. Don't, as happened to someone I know, discover that your other half is bankrupt on your honeymoon or that they're keeping a great deal of money hidden in a secret account - quite frankly, this is a lousy way to start a marriage. It may sound unromantic but being honest and open with each other enough to consider a pre-nuptial agreement is a realistic option. You don't plan to divorce, clearly, but please do cover all options - a break-up is distressing enough without facing losing an inheritance or a property that you own.

5. Choose your supporters carefully

About a year before you get married you need to think about your supporters - your Best Man and Ushers, your Bridesmaids and Matron/Maid of honour. Be careful whom you choose as this choice will dramatically affect your day and the lead-up to it. Being chosen for a special role like this is an honour and I recommend that you agree with each your "team" exactly what they will be doing so that everyone is happy.

For example, it's your Chief Bridesmaid who will organise your hen party so make sure you pick someone who is extremely organised and who has the temperament to deal with all the details involved in your "do". Sometimes, the Groom can't decide between this two best friends, so having two Best Men is perfectly acceptable - they could even share the speech! Just remember that it's your day so surround yourself with those who care about you the most.

6. Memories of your day - don't lose out

If I could give you one piece of advice (hmmm..not easy!), even if you're having a budget wedding please please please make sure that you book an "official" photographer, if only for a couple of hours on the day. You may look back at your photos of the day and kick yourself if you realise that there's not a single picture of just the two of you, or perhaps the one you actually do find features half an arm, or there's a random group of people in the background. You could ask a friend to do this important job for you but make sure that you treat them as you would a professional to make sure that you get the family/friend set-ups you need.

I would recommend you to book your photographer almost as soon as you've booked your venue as the good ones get booked up a year in advance. Make sure that you look at examples of his/her work, check exactly what's included in the price and how long they will stay on the day. Also, don't forget that your photographer isn't a mind reader so another tippety top tip is to hand over a list of what you want and the people whom you want photographed.

The photographs at a wedding normally take a while but don't worry about your guests, people normally expect there to be a bit of a hiatus at some stage; just make sure that they have some fizz and canapes; you may even consider a magician or a caricaturist to keep everyone entertained. I even found a mobile casino at a recent wedding fair. Great pix and happy guests. Result!

7. Ask lots of questions

Do your research on the internet about appropriate questions to ask when selecting a venue, caterer, wedding planner, florist, everything and anything. Write down your questions, keep them in a file (you DO have a wedding file, don't you?) and tick them off when you meet suppliers - you may think you're being a bit over the top but believe me, you're not. For example, do you really relish bumping into another bride on your wedding day because you forgot to ask the people at the venue if they hold more than one wedding on a particular day? No? Thought not!

8. Managing family politics

Minefield, this one. OK, I need to say this: along with death and taxes, a certaintly in life is that there will be family politics involved in your wedding. In addition, you may find that you've offended friends by not including them in the planning, or in the right way in the planning, or...hey, it could be anything. Also, be very careful if parents are paying for a large proportion of your wedding, or even if they're funding the entire thing; they will want a say in how the money is spent, you know. Your future mother-in-law may want to re-create her own wedding, your Mum may want you to have the wedding she never had, your Dad may consider that getting married in a hotel "isn't the right thing and you're not really married".

My advice to you is to a) accept that this will happen, b) if you feel brave enough, sit down with each set of parents and make it very clear that although you will be forever grateful for their financial support, the wedding is yours and yours alone and finally c) honestly...? hire me. My contract would be with YOU and not your Mum and Dad so this is the best reason for me tactfully to remind them that as you've employed me, your wish is my command so to speak. Think about it, it saves a lot of stress. Talking of family difficulties...

9. Children at Weddings - you decide.

Oooh err, a tricky one. It's a family and friends occasion, right? And children are a major part of it? Don't children inject joy and fun into the occasion, after all? Opinion appears to be sharply divided on this one and to be honest there's no right or wrong answer. 

 My only advice is this: It's YOUR CHOICE and yours alone but if you decide to go child-free you need to make it very clear to your guests and in the most tactful terms possible several weeks before the ceremony so that parents can make arrangements. Don't put it in an invitation until you have actually spoken to the parents you want to invite; don't apologise for your decision but make sure that you appreciate their potential difficulty. And hey, you may find (as is often the case) that parents of small children may rather look forward to an adults-only occasion.  Everyone needs time off!

I normally find, though, that parents are particularly sensitive to this issue and nearly always remove their children for a few minutes if they start making a noise during the ceremony or the speeches so people are more aware of this issue than you might think.

If you do invite children you could try asking the DJ to provide some family-friendly tunes and get the youngsters up on the floor to boogie on down - cute! Try hiring a magician or an entertainer, even a clown. You can even hire in the experts for the day - try The Wedding Creche (www.theweddingcreche.co.uk), they're professional childcare providers who specialise in weddings; they supervise meals, organise arts and crafts and even offer late-night babysitting. Sorted!

9.a (is this cheating?) Confirm, Confirm, Confirm

Please do not, under any circumstances, assume that just because you've booked your florist to deliver flowers to the venue on the morning of your wedding and a bouquet to your house half an hour later, that they will do this. Do not consider that everything is "sorted" just because you've booked them, sent an email, paid the money and created a schedule. 

Let me tell you something about human nature - we're a bit rubbish* and we forget things, we're busy, stressed out and in the case of the people who are making your day special, you are not top of their priority list** (sorry) therefore...you MUST confirm with them two days before the wedding and go through everything they are doing for you and the time they are doing it. Omit to do this at your peril, you have been warned.


* Not me, of course
** as your planner, you're top of my priority list

10.Be organised but take some time out

Make sure that you know what you should be doing at each stage during the run-up to the wedding. Those eye-wateringly expensive wedding magazines normally have a count-down schedule of things to do and when to do them and there are many books out there to help you plan each element. As mentioned, a file with dividers is a good idea and you should keep a close eye on your budget - aim to come in at 10% under your estimated budget as this will allow some wiggle room for last-minute costs.

However much I love planning weddings, I should advise you that now and again you need to take some time away from your spreadsheets and ban the word "wedding". On at least two weekends (at LEAST two, please!) get away with your other half to a secluded b&b and discover why you fell in love in the first place. There is more love in the world (my mantra) and I love that, just make sure it stays that way.

If you'd like to me to help you plan your wedding (or civil partnership) feel free to contact me on susan@perfectday-planning.co.uk or on 07816 684 756. I look forward to hearing from you!

Civil Partnerships: Tradition or Trend?

Hi Y'all


Hope you're all enjoying our no-doubt temporary hot spell and drinking lots of water.  Near where I live there are "men with their tummies out" on the beach as my dear old Dad used to say.  Factor 30 and a nice shirt is what I say.


So...Civil Partnerships again. Part Deux, in fact.  There's loads of advice out there in the ether that is the tinterweb and in fact there are quite a few handy websites which will help you to plan your civil partnership and a pardeeeeee afterwards.  But, seeing as I organise these sorts of things for you madam and madam or you, sir and sir, I thought I'd impart some of my wisdom, too, if that's OK with you.


Now then now then now then.  Happily, much wedding planning is the same whether 'tis for opposite or same-sex couples, or at least it should be.  So advice on flowers, caterers, photographers, transport etc will be covered off at a later date and should apply equally.


Here we go. You've booked the date and found the perfect venue. Now we come onto:


Invitations


Easy, you'd think, but it ain't necessarily so. Trying to work out how to word your invitation can be tricky but whatever you decide to choose, make it as personal as you want.  You could try this:

It's our special day:

Stephen and Mark

Would like to invite you to our wedding

13th August, 2011

for our

Civil Partnership and Ceremony

1pm

Brighton Register Office

and afterwards at:

Brighton Metropole

RSVP

Or you could think of something a little bit different, for example:

"Please join us for a celebration of love, friendship and laughter"

"...for the blessing of our unity"

"Join us as we pledge our partnership together"

The style of the invitations is up to the two of you, however you  may be interested to know that there is a growing number of specialists who create stunning stationery catering for same-sex couples; this shouldn't, of course make much difference but I see many stationery suppliers who produce little cutesy cards with church bells, hearts, flowers, brides in profile (bleugh) and it's not really a good look.  I recommend the following specialist Civil Partnership stationery suppliers, by the way:

http://pinkweddingstationery.co.uk/index.html

Your Special Team


The traditional "bridal party" consists of a matron of honour, bridesmaids, best man, mother/father of the bride and so on. Each has a designated job to do and it all works perfectly well on the day (it works perfectly well if a wedding-planner gets involved, anyway.  Pause...Plug).  None of that really applies here - or does it? 


Choosing the people you would like to participate in your ceremony is, believe me, fraught with difficulties whether you're gay or straight so be careful!  It's easy to offend siblings, friends, relatives without meaning to.  One word of advice, well, three in fact.  Choose people who are cooperative....friendly....and cheerful.  The people you choose should be calm and reliable because you're going to be so nervously-nervous that you will become wobbly bonkers with nerves.  Actually, that's five words. 


Your Best People should consist of those with attention to detail who understand that rituals need to be observed, courtesies extended and hands held.  These are the people whom you may invite to do a speech and who will keep an eye on you all day.  They put you first without you even realising they're doing it.  Auntie Mabel drinks too much and passes out under a piano? Not enough booze was ordered? The hotel runs out of loo paper?  You knew nothing about it.

This is you and your partner on your wedding day.  Is this figurative? metaphorical? an allegory? I've got an English degree I really should know. 


Someone to Give you Away


A bit traditional, but maybe you would still want this, if only to symbolise the welcoming of one person into the other's family, at least that's the way I prefer to see it.  This would, of course involve a processional of some kind and your Mum or Dad but you may choose a brother/sister or even a close friend if you prefer.  A clever civil partnership planner I know told me that TWO aisles were created, each on either side of the room  and that each partner arrived together, each on the arm of her Dad, at the same time in front of the Registrar.  Not a dry eye in the house!  All together...aaaaaawwww.


If you're not employing a wedding planner (*splutters with indignation*) or even if you are, the people who support you on the day will be key to its success.


A quick word on Celebrants:


Now then.  I have a problem with civil ceremonies sometimes.  I think "I call upon these persons here present to witness..." is somewhat less romantic than "to love and to cherish, from this day forward" but we are where we are.  You can if you like, get the  "legal bits and bobs" over and done with at a register office  and you may want to employ a Celebrant later in the day or even the next day to conduct your main ceremony, in which you can include....whatever you want, within the boundaries of good taste of course.  


I mean, don't promise to s*** each other every day, for example.  Your Mum may not like it.


What Celebrants do is not officially or legally binding but they're highly trained lovely people and can help you put together a wedding celebration just for you.  Literally, just for you.  They act as if they were your vicar or your Registrar and literally create, conduct and manage your ceremony.  You can include readings, poems and music which are special to you and your partner and involve your special people as much as you like.  Lovely.


And...the brilliant thing is that there are no restrictions regarding where the ceremony takes place (see Humanist Weddings on my site).  Legally, you can't get married in the open air, nor in a wood and certainly not on the beach.  Get the legalities sorted and a Celebrant will conduct your ceremony more or less anywhere. 


You may like to have a look at:


http://www.civilceremonies.co.uk/


Or, if you live in Sussex, try:


http://www.civilceremonies.co.uk/




Choosing Suppliers


A massive subject and I don't have space to cover off as much as I would like here but a word of caution: Sadly, there are still wedding suppliers out there who say "no" to contributing their services to civil partnerships.  This is course goes against the Equalities Act of 2007 but don't be put off as my impression (she says hopefully) is that this is a stupid minority behaving illegally.  To help you in this regard, you may like to try these websites, which point the way in terms of Pink Approval:


http://www.gay-friendly-wedding-venues.com/


http://www.pinkweddingdays.co.uk/services/index.aspx?uid=2


Questions to Ask:


How many Civil Partnerships have you dealt with?


Can you supply testimonials?


What can you offer us that other similar companies can't?


Remember, though that Civil Partnerships are still a relatively new concept and if suppliers slip up and refer to the "Bride and Groom" they're not necessarily homophobic, it just means that they're getting used to a new market.  *Susan whispers in the ear of suppliers*:  psssst!  These folks have DISPOSABLE INCOME and they want to spend money.


What to Wear


Whatever You Like.  Next!

Now this, ladies, is just scary

Toastmaster or Drag Queen?


If you're keen to have someone charismatic to make announcements (more or less essential with celebrations of 100+ people), I rather like the idea of a drag queen as MC and given that it's my blog I will put forward my reasons why (oooh the power):


A respected and "respectable" drag queen in the gay and lesbian community tends to be professional, courteous and has bucketloads of charm that will bring excitement to your party.  She will help with the main duties of the day and could even add that extra wow factor as the afternoon starts to spill over into the evening.  You know, people start to get a bit restless at this stage in the proceedings, don't they?


She could, for example introduce a number of comic turns, live vocals, sing-a-longs and in some cases she could become...the DJ!


There is a fabulous drag queen called, err, Fonda Cox.  Look her up on Google, I am saying nothing more about her name.  OK?




Themes


Just because you're gay, should you have a gay "theme"?  Well, it used to happen quite a lot in the "olden days", in my opinion but maybe not so much now.  However, there's nothing wrong with celebrating your sexuality so the following may give you some ideas:


Colours


You could theme your wedding around the colours from the rainbow flag used to represent gay pride.  The colours could be used in the invitations, function room, table decorations, even your outfits.


Pink is a colour traditionally associated with the "gay lifestyle" and there are LOADS  of lovely pinkified things out there in the marketplace.  Ooh ooh just thought of something:  pink champagne, taramosalata dips and salmon!  Where's my invite?!


Advice:  Think of the photos, m'dears.  Don't book a photographer who shoots black and white pictures.

If you belong to a part of the gay community that enjoys a certain niche, the following may float your boat:


Country and Western


You could decorate your venue to look like a saloon bar and get everyone line dancing.  (You could book a caller to show people how to do the Gay Gordon's but you didn't hear it from me.)


Get your guests to come along in jeans (easy), checked shirts, cowboy boots and hats.  


Bears


I am reliably informed that bears are symbolic in the gay community  and represent strong, masculine men, usually with facial hair.  There's lots of bear-related items out there and you could even buy teeny weeny little bears and give them away (if you can, ahem "bare" to) as favours on the guests' tables.


I have to say that this reminds me of a trip to the "Build a Bear" workshop in Brighton to buy a teddy bear for my Mum.  The cutesy little girl who created the bear produced a small, satin heart and tried to get me to kiss it before putting it into the bear's stuffed innards.  Shudder.


Events


Unless you've been under a rock or you're dead then you'll be aware that just a few people and a dog get together every August for the Pride Event in Brighton (and also there's one in London, of course). This thing ROCKS so you may want to get hitched on the Friday and then boogie on down with the best of them on the day of the parade with the riot of colour and joy that underscores this rather fab event. 


Incidentally, if I drive along the main sea coast road early on the morning of the Pride march I see groups of men and women milling about before the parade in the most fantastically imaginable and outrageous outfits of which you could ever conceive.

You can even get a blessing at gay pride events, so look out for the "blessing" marquee.  Look here, too:


http://www.humanrites.co.uk/

Historical Theme


How about returning to a time when men were, err, a little bit more open about their sexuality?  You could host an event where all the guys turn up naked, run around a lot, chuck javelins and do synchronised swimming.  I refuse to believe that there wasn't synchronised swimming at the first Olympics.  OK, joking.  I put that in just in case you'd all got bored by now. 


Srsly (text speaking now!) now.  How about a toga wedding where folks don fine white robes with gold trim and you design invitations in the shape of scrolls?  Your meal could be a roasting pig feast plus other tasty meaty treats - veggies look away now - plus olives, large chunks of bread and grapes adorning the tables.  If the function room has columns you could decorate them with ivy and flowers.  

Look at the sheer joy on the faces of this couple

So....all still with me?  As you can probably see I've only scratched the proverbial service in this regard so do contact me (07816 684 756 or enquiries@perfectday-planning.co.uk) if you'd like to help me plan your Civil Partnership.


Remember:  You're Busy.  You're Getting Hitched.  You Need Me.


Bye for now...




Susan
x




Further Reading:


Civil Partnership:  A guide to the perfect day by Gino Meriano and Mike Meriano.
2009 New Holland Publishers (UK Ltd)


Gay and Lesbian Weddings by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown.
2009 Alyson Books


The Complete Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings: Civil Partnerships and All you Need to Know by Jo Webber and Matt Miles
2006 W Foulsham and Co.