Tip Top Top Tips!

Hello, blog readers and welcome to my latest post.  Wow, how fab did Zara Phillips look yesterday?  I am sooooo into pretty veils and she wore hers with great style and pizzazz, which really is just a reason for me to type the word "pizzazz", using my left little finger to type the letter z without looking at the keyboard.  You see, I clearly have my own private hell and must get out more.

Righto, time to concentrate, chew my biro lid creative-stylee and impart some wisdom on the planning and preparation of your forthcoming nuptials.

Here is a list of my top ten tips. 

1. First things first: Decide on a wedding date and book your venue

Don't even THINK about trying on wedding dresses and choosing colour schemes until you have decided on a wedding day and booked your preferred venue. In my experience it normally takes just over a year to plan a wedding and you need to sit down with your partner and think about WHEN and WHERE. Bear in mind that marrying in high summer is nearly always the most expensive option and yes, sorry to say this but you can never guarantee the weather. We don't live in the UK for the weather, though, do we?! Actually, why DO we live in the UK? (*chews pen lid*). You could even consider a winter wedding - very trendy (and cheaper) or make the most of a March wedding and decorate your venue with daffodils.

The choice of venue for your wedding or civil ceremony and reception is your next most important decision. I recommend that you draw up a rough guest list so that you know how many people you will need to accommodate and then create a short-list of venues based on this estimate and on the type of wedding you both want to have.

Make sure that you have adhered to all the legalities so that there are no nasty surprises or disappointments! Do your research on this and then you can start on the exciting bit - the wedding planning.

2. Decide on your budget

The average wedding budget for 2011, including the honeymoon is just under £24,000; this may sound like a lot (hey, it is a lot) but remember that this is a major celebration in your life and if you decide to invite more than 100 guests you will need to be prepared to spend some fairly big money if you're after the wedding of your dreams. This doesn't mean that you have to break that bank, just aim to get what you both want within realistic parameters.

My advice is to set your spending priority: where, for example, do you want most of your wedding budget to be allocated? For most, it's the venue, then the food and drink, closely followed by the wedding gown and lastly the honeymoon. If your parents are helping out, be very careful! Sit down with both sets and have an honest conversation about how much they can afford and then ask them to put the money into an account for you (cringe - I know, but believe me, you need to do this).

Create a budget on a spreadsheet or in a file and stick to it!

3. Hire a wedding planner

Let's dispel a few myths: wedding planners don't tell you what to do, they don't promote what they'd like and they don't make decisions for you! What I can do is save you time, reduce stress, eliminate problems and get you the best value for money. Remember that although I advise and recommend certain options, I've had my organs of opinion removed (yikes, painful), although I tend to like what my brides like as I can see how it best suits their style. I've never had a client whose wedding hasn't "suited" them.

A good planner will listen closely to you and then turn your dreams into big-day perfection. For example, if you can think of your ideal venue and a budget thereto, she will short-list six of them for you to visit; she'll help you find a photographer in the same way, a florist, a wedding car, a wedding dress. She'll manage your guest list, trouble-shoot and manage your day so that you and your partner (and your family) have a fabulous day. A Perfect Day, in fact.  And talking of finance...

4. Consider a pre-nuptial agreement

I strongly recommend that you and your partner discuss your finances in an honest and open way before you get married. Don't, as happened to someone I know, discover that your other half is bankrupt on your honeymoon or that they're keeping a great deal of money hidden in a secret account - quite frankly, this is a lousy way to start a marriage. It may sound unromantic but being honest and open with each other enough to consider a pre-nuptial agreement is a realistic option. You don't plan to divorce, clearly, but please do cover all options - a break-up is distressing enough without facing losing an inheritance or a property that you own.

5. Choose your supporters carefully

About a year before you get married you need to think about your supporters - your Best Man and Ushers, your Bridesmaids and Matron/Maid of honour. Be careful whom you choose as this choice will dramatically affect your day and the lead-up to it. Being chosen for a special role like this is an honour and I recommend that you agree with each your "team" exactly what they will be doing so that everyone is happy.

For example, it's your Chief Bridesmaid who will organise your hen party so make sure you pick someone who is extremely organised and who has the temperament to deal with all the details involved in your "do". Sometimes, the Groom can't decide between this two best friends, so having two Best Men is perfectly acceptable - they could even share the speech! Just remember that it's your day so surround yourself with those who care about you the most.

6. Memories of your day - don't lose out

If I could give you one piece of advice (hmmm..not easy!), even if you're having a budget wedding please please please make sure that you book an "official" photographer, if only for a couple of hours on the day. You may look back at your photos of the day and kick yourself if you realise that there's not a single picture of just the two of you, or perhaps the one you actually do find features half an arm, or there's a random group of people in the background. You could ask a friend to do this important job for you but make sure that you treat them as you would a professional to make sure that you get the family/friend set-ups you need.

I would recommend you to book your photographer almost as soon as you've booked your venue as the good ones get booked up a year in advance. Make sure that you look at examples of his/her work, check exactly what's included in the price and how long they will stay on the day. Also, don't forget that your photographer isn't a mind reader so another tippety top tip is to hand over a list of what you want and the people whom you want photographed.

The photographs at a wedding normally take a while but don't worry about your guests, people normally expect there to be a bit of a hiatus at some stage; just make sure that they have some fizz and canapes; you may even consider a magician or a caricaturist to keep everyone entertained. I even found a mobile casino at a recent wedding fair. Great pix and happy guests. Result!

7. Ask lots of questions

Do your research on the internet about appropriate questions to ask when selecting a venue, caterer, wedding planner, florist, everything and anything. Write down your questions, keep them in a file (you DO have a wedding file, don't you?) and tick them off when you meet suppliers - you may think you're being a bit over the top but believe me, you're not. For example, do you really relish bumping into another bride on your wedding day because you forgot to ask the people at the venue if they hold more than one wedding on a particular day? No? Thought not!

8. Managing family politics

Minefield, this one. OK, I need to say this: along with death and taxes, a certaintly in life is that there will be family politics involved in your wedding. In addition, you may find that you've offended friends by not including them in the planning, or in the right way in the planning, or...hey, it could be anything. Also, be very careful if parents are paying for a large proportion of your wedding, or even if they're funding the entire thing; they will want a say in how the money is spent, you know. Your future mother-in-law may want to re-create her own wedding, your Mum may want you to have the wedding she never had, your Dad may consider that getting married in a hotel "isn't the right thing and you're not really married".

My advice to you is to a) accept that this will happen, b) if you feel brave enough, sit down with each set of parents and make it very clear that although you will be forever grateful for their financial support, the wedding is yours and yours alone and finally c) honestly...? hire me. My contract would be with YOU and not your Mum and Dad so this is the best reason for me tactfully to remind them that as you've employed me, your wish is my command so to speak. Think about it, it saves a lot of stress. Talking of family difficulties...

9. Children at Weddings - you decide.

Oooh err, a tricky one. It's a family and friends occasion, right? And children are a major part of it? Don't children inject joy and fun into the occasion, after all? Opinion appears to be sharply divided on this one and to be honest there's no right or wrong answer. 

 My only advice is this: It's YOUR CHOICE and yours alone but if you decide to go child-free you need to make it very clear to your guests and in the most tactful terms possible several weeks before the ceremony so that parents can make arrangements. Don't put it in an invitation until you have actually spoken to the parents you want to invite; don't apologise for your decision but make sure that you appreciate their potential difficulty. And hey, you may find (as is often the case) that parents of small children may rather look forward to an adults-only occasion.  Everyone needs time off!

I normally find, though, that parents are particularly sensitive to this issue and nearly always remove their children for a few minutes if they start making a noise during the ceremony or the speeches so people are more aware of this issue than you might think.

If you do invite children you could try asking the DJ to provide some family-friendly tunes and get the youngsters up on the floor to boogie on down - cute! Try hiring a magician or an entertainer, even a clown. You can even hire in the experts for the day - try The Wedding Creche (www.theweddingcreche.co.uk), they're professional childcare providers who specialise in weddings; they supervise meals, organise arts and crafts and even offer late-night babysitting. Sorted!

9.a (is this cheating?) Confirm, Confirm, Confirm

Please do not, under any circumstances, assume that just because you've booked your florist to deliver flowers to the venue on the morning of your wedding and a bouquet to your house half an hour later, that they will do this. Do not consider that everything is "sorted" just because you've booked them, sent an email, paid the money and created a schedule. 

Let me tell you something about human nature - we're a bit rubbish* and we forget things, we're busy, stressed out and in the case of the people who are making your day special, you are not top of their priority list** (sorry) therefore...you MUST confirm with them two days before the wedding and go through everything they are doing for you and the time they are doing it. Omit to do this at your peril, you have been warned.


* Not me, of course
** as your planner, you're top of my priority list

10.Be organised but take some time out

Make sure that you know what you should be doing at each stage during the run-up to the wedding. Those eye-wateringly expensive wedding magazines normally have a count-down schedule of things to do and when to do them and there are many books out there to help you plan each element. As mentioned, a file with dividers is a good idea and you should keep a close eye on your budget - aim to come in at 10% under your estimated budget as this will allow some wiggle room for last-minute costs.

However much I love planning weddings, I should advise you that now and again you need to take some time away from your spreadsheets and ban the word "wedding". On at least two weekends (at LEAST two, please!) get away with your other half to a secluded b&b and discover why you fell in love in the first place. There is more love in the world (my mantra) and I love that, just make sure it stays that way.

If you'd like to me to help you plan your wedding (or civil partnership) feel free to contact me on susan@perfectday-planning.co.uk or on 07816 684 756. I look forward to hearing from you!

Civil Partnerships: Tradition or Trend?

Hi Y'all


Hope you're all enjoying our no-doubt temporary hot spell and drinking lots of water.  Near where I live there are "men with their tummies out" on the beach as my dear old Dad used to say.  Factor 30 and a nice shirt is what I say.


So...Civil Partnerships again. Part Deux, in fact.  There's loads of advice out there in the ether that is the tinterweb and in fact there are quite a few handy websites which will help you to plan your civil partnership and a pardeeeeee afterwards.  But, seeing as I organise these sorts of things for you madam and madam or you, sir and sir, I thought I'd impart some of my wisdom, too, if that's OK with you.


Now then now then now then.  Happily, much wedding planning is the same whether 'tis for opposite or same-sex couples, or at least it should be.  So advice on flowers, caterers, photographers, transport etc will be covered off at a later date and should apply equally.


Here we go. You've booked the date and found the perfect venue. Now we come onto:


Invitations


Easy, you'd think, but it ain't necessarily so. Trying to work out how to word your invitation can be tricky but whatever you decide to choose, make it as personal as you want.  You could try this:

It's our special day:

Stephen and Mark

Would like to invite you to our wedding

13th August, 2011

for our

Civil Partnership and Ceremony

1pm

Brighton Register Office

and afterwards at:

Brighton Metropole

RSVP

Or you could think of something a little bit different, for example:

"Please join us for a celebration of love, friendship and laughter"

"...for the blessing of our unity"

"Join us as we pledge our partnership together"

The style of the invitations is up to the two of you, however you  may be interested to know that there is a growing number of specialists who create stunning stationery catering for same-sex couples; this shouldn't, of course make much difference but I see many stationery suppliers who produce little cutesy cards with church bells, hearts, flowers, brides in profile (bleugh) and it's not really a good look.  I recommend the following specialist Civil Partnership stationery suppliers, by the way:

http://pinkweddingstationery.co.uk/index.html

Your Special Team


The traditional "bridal party" consists of a matron of honour, bridesmaids, best man, mother/father of the bride and so on. Each has a designated job to do and it all works perfectly well on the day (it works perfectly well if a wedding-planner gets involved, anyway.  Pause...Plug).  None of that really applies here - or does it? 


Choosing the people you would like to participate in your ceremony is, believe me, fraught with difficulties whether you're gay or straight so be careful!  It's easy to offend siblings, friends, relatives without meaning to.  One word of advice, well, three in fact.  Choose people who are cooperative....friendly....and cheerful.  The people you choose should be calm and reliable because you're going to be so nervously-nervous that you will become wobbly bonkers with nerves.  Actually, that's five words. 


Your Best People should consist of those with attention to detail who understand that rituals need to be observed, courtesies extended and hands held.  These are the people whom you may invite to do a speech and who will keep an eye on you all day.  They put you first without you even realising they're doing it.  Auntie Mabel drinks too much and passes out under a piano? Not enough booze was ordered? The hotel runs out of loo paper?  You knew nothing about it.

This is you and your partner on your wedding day.  Is this figurative? metaphorical? an allegory? I've got an English degree I really should know. 


Someone to Give you Away


A bit traditional, but maybe you would still want this, if only to symbolise the welcoming of one person into the other's family, at least that's the way I prefer to see it.  This would, of course involve a processional of some kind and your Mum or Dad but you may choose a brother/sister or even a close friend if you prefer.  A clever civil partnership planner I know told me that TWO aisles were created, each on either side of the room  and that each partner arrived together, each on the arm of her Dad, at the same time in front of the Registrar.  Not a dry eye in the house!  All together...aaaaaawwww.


If you're not employing a wedding planner (*splutters with indignation*) or even if you are, the people who support you on the day will be key to its success.


A quick word on Celebrants:


Now then.  I have a problem with civil ceremonies sometimes.  I think "I call upon these persons here present to witness..." is somewhat less romantic than "to love and to cherish, from this day forward" but we are where we are.  You can if you like, get the  "legal bits and bobs" over and done with at a register office  and you may want to employ a Celebrant later in the day or even the next day to conduct your main ceremony, in which you can include....whatever you want, within the boundaries of good taste of course.  


I mean, don't promise to s*** each other every day, for example.  Your Mum may not like it.


What Celebrants do is not officially or legally binding but they're highly trained lovely people and can help you put together a wedding celebration just for you.  Literally, just for you.  They act as if they were your vicar or your Registrar and literally create, conduct and manage your ceremony.  You can include readings, poems and music which are special to you and your partner and involve your special people as much as you like.  Lovely.


And...the brilliant thing is that there are no restrictions regarding where the ceremony takes place (see Humanist Weddings on my site).  Legally, you can't get married in the open air, nor in a wood and certainly not on the beach.  Get the legalities sorted and a Celebrant will conduct your ceremony more or less anywhere. 


You may like to have a look at:


http://www.civilceremonies.co.uk/


Or, if you live in Sussex, try:


http://www.civilceremonies.co.uk/




Choosing Suppliers


A massive subject and I don't have space to cover off as much as I would like here but a word of caution: Sadly, there are still wedding suppliers out there who say "no" to contributing their services to civil partnerships.  This is course goes against the Equalities Act of 2007 but don't be put off as my impression (she says hopefully) is that this is a stupid minority behaving illegally.  To help you in this regard, you may like to try these websites, which point the way in terms of Pink Approval:


http://www.gay-friendly-wedding-venues.com/


http://www.pinkweddingdays.co.uk/services/index.aspx?uid=2


Questions to Ask:


How many Civil Partnerships have you dealt with?


Can you supply testimonials?


What can you offer us that other similar companies can't?


Remember, though that Civil Partnerships are still a relatively new concept and if suppliers slip up and refer to the "Bride and Groom" they're not necessarily homophobic, it just means that they're getting used to a new market.  *Susan whispers in the ear of suppliers*:  psssst!  These folks have DISPOSABLE INCOME and they want to spend money.


What to Wear


Whatever You Like.  Next!

Now this, ladies, is just scary

Toastmaster or Drag Queen?


If you're keen to have someone charismatic to make announcements (more or less essential with celebrations of 100+ people), I rather like the idea of a drag queen as MC and given that it's my blog I will put forward my reasons why (oooh the power):


A respected and "respectable" drag queen in the gay and lesbian community tends to be professional, courteous and has bucketloads of charm that will bring excitement to your party.  She will help with the main duties of the day and could even add that extra wow factor as the afternoon starts to spill over into the evening.  You know, people start to get a bit restless at this stage in the proceedings, don't they?


She could, for example introduce a number of comic turns, live vocals, sing-a-longs and in some cases she could become...the DJ!


There is a fabulous drag queen called, err, Fonda Cox.  Look her up on Google, I am saying nothing more about her name.  OK?




Themes


Just because you're gay, should you have a gay "theme"?  Well, it used to happen quite a lot in the "olden days", in my opinion but maybe not so much now.  However, there's nothing wrong with celebrating your sexuality so the following may give you some ideas:


Colours


You could theme your wedding around the colours from the rainbow flag used to represent gay pride.  The colours could be used in the invitations, function room, table decorations, even your outfits.


Pink is a colour traditionally associated with the "gay lifestyle" and there are LOADS  of lovely pinkified things out there in the marketplace.  Ooh ooh just thought of something:  pink champagne, taramosalata dips and salmon!  Where's my invite?!


Advice:  Think of the photos, m'dears.  Don't book a photographer who shoots black and white pictures.

If you belong to a part of the gay community that enjoys a certain niche, the following may float your boat:


Country and Western


You could decorate your venue to look like a saloon bar and get everyone line dancing.  (You could book a caller to show people how to do the Gay Gordon's but you didn't hear it from me.)


Get your guests to come along in jeans (easy), checked shirts, cowboy boots and hats.  


Bears


I am reliably informed that bears are symbolic in the gay community  and represent strong, masculine men, usually with facial hair.  There's lots of bear-related items out there and you could even buy teeny weeny little bears and give them away (if you can, ahem "bare" to) as favours on the guests' tables.


I have to say that this reminds me of a trip to the "Build a Bear" workshop in Brighton to buy a teddy bear for my Mum.  The cutesy little girl who created the bear produced a small, satin heart and tried to get me to kiss it before putting it into the bear's stuffed innards.  Shudder.


Events


Unless you've been under a rock or you're dead then you'll be aware that just a few people and a dog get together every August for the Pride Event in Brighton (and also there's one in London, of course). This thing ROCKS so you may want to get hitched on the Friday and then boogie on down with the best of them on the day of the parade with the riot of colour and joy that underscores this rather fab event. 


Incidentally, if I drive along the main sea coast road early on the morning of the Pride march I see groups of men and women milling about before the parade in the most fantastically imaginable and outrageous outfits of which you could ever conceive.

You can even get a blessing at gay pride events, so look out for the "blessing" marquee.  Look here, too:


http://www.humanrites.co.uk/

Historical Theme


How about returning to a time when men were, err, a little bit more open about their sexuality?  You could host an event where all the guys turn up naked, run around a lot, chuck javelins and do synchronised swimming.  I refuse to believe that there wasn't synchronised swimming at the first Olympics.  OK, joking.  I put that in just in case you'd all got bored by now. 


Srsly (text speaking now!) now.  How about a toga wedding where folks don fine white robes with gold trim and you design invitations in the shape of scrolls?  Your meal could be a roasting pig feast plus other tasty meaty treats - veggies look away now - plus olives, large chunks of bread and grapes adorning the tables.  If the function room has columns you could decorate them with ivy and flowers.  

Look at the sheer joy on the faces of this couple

So....all still with me?  As you can probably see I've only scratched the proverbial service in this regard so do contact me (07816 684 756 or enquiries@perfectday-planning.co.uk) if you'd like to help me plan your Civil Partnership.


Remember:  You're Busy.  You're Getting Hitched.  You Need Me.


Bye for now...




Susan
x




Further Reading:


Civil Partnership:  A guide to the perfect day by Gino Meriano and Mike Meriano.
2009 New Holland Publishers (UK Ltd)


Gay and Lesbian Weddings by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown.
2009 Alyson Books


The Complete Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings: Civil Partnerships and All you Need to Know by Jo Webber and Matt Miles
2006 W Foulsham and Co.