Hope you're all enjoying our no-doubt temporary hot spell and drinking lots of water. Near where I live there are "men with their tummies out" on the beach as my dear old Dad used to say. Factor 30 and a nice shirt is what I say.
So...Civil Partnerships again. Part Deux, in fact. There's loads of advice out there in the ether that is the tinterweb and in fact there are quite a few handy websites which will help you to plan your civil partnership and a pardeeeeee afterwards. But, seeing as I organise these sorts of things for you madam and madam or you, sir and sir, I thought I'd impart some of my wisdom, too, if that's OK with you.
Now then now then now then. Happily, much wedding planning is the same whether 'tis for opposite or same-sex couples, or at least it should be. So advice on flowers, caterers, photographers, transport etc will be covered off at a later date and should apply equally.
Here we go. You've booked the date and found the perfect venue. Now we come onto:
Invitations
Easy, you'd think, but it ain't necessarily so. Trying to work out how to word your invitation can be tricky but whatever you decide to choose, make it as personal as you want. You could try this:
It's our special day:
Stephen and Mark
Would like to invite you to our wedding
13th August, 2011
for our
Civil Partnership and Ceremony
1pm
Brighton Register Office
and afterwards at:
Brighton Metropole
RSVP
"Please join us for a celebration of love, friendship and laughter"
"...for the blessing of our unity"
"Join us as we pledge our partnership together"
The style of the invitations is up to the two of you, however you may be interested to know that there is a growing number of specialists who create stunning stationery catering for same-sex couples; this shouldn't, of course make much difference but I see many stationery suppliers who produce little cutesy cards with church bells, hearts, flowers, brides in profile (bleugh) and it's not really a good look. I recommend the following specialist Civil Partnership stationery suppliers, by the way:
Your Special Team
The traditional "bridal party" consists of a matron of honour, bridesmaids, best man, mother/father of the bride and so on. Each has a designated job to do and it all works perfectly well on the day (it works perfectly well if a wedding-planner gets involved, anyway. Pause...Plug). None of that really applies here - or does it?
Choosing the people you would like to participate in your ceremony is, believe me, fraught with difficulties whether you're gay or straight so be careful! It's easy to offend siblings, friends, relatives without meaning to. One word of advice, well, three in fact. Choose people who are cooperative....friendly....and cheerful. The people you choose should be calm and reliable because you're going to be so nervously-nervous that you will become wobbly bonkers with nerves. Actually, that's five words.
Your Best People should consist of those with attention to detail who understand that rituals need to be observed, courtesies extended and hands held. These are the people whom you may invite to do a speech and who will keep an eye on you all day. They put you first without you even realising they're doing it. Auntie Mabel drinks too much and passes out under a piano? Not enough booze was ordered? The hotel runs out of loo paper? You knew nothing about it.
This is you and your partner on your wedding day. Is this figurative? metaphorical? an allegory? I've got an English degree I really should know.
Someone to Give you Away
A bit traditional, but maybe you would still want this, if only to symbolise the welcoming of one person into the other's family, at least that's the way I prefer to see it. This would, of course involve a processional of some kind and your Mum or Dad but you may choose a brother/sister or even a close friend if you prefer. A clever civil partnership planner I know told me that TWO aisles were created, each on either side of the room and that each partner arrived together, each on the arm of her Dad, at the same time in front of the Registrar. Not a dry eye in the house! All together...aaaaaawwww.
If you're not employing a wedding planner (*splutters with indignation*) or even if you are, the people who support you on the day will be key to its success.
A quick word on Celebrants:
Now then. I have a problem with civil ceremonies sometimes. I think "I call upon these persons here present to witness..." is somewhat less romantic than "to love and to cherish, from this day forward" but we are where we are. You can if you like, get the "legal bits and bobs" over and done with at a register office and you may want to employ a Celebrant later in the day or even the next day to conduct your main ceremony, in which you can include....whatever you want, within the boundaries of good taste of course.
I mean, don't promise to s*** each other every day, for example. Your Mum may not like it.
What Celebrants do is not officially or legally binding but they're highly trained lovely people and can help you put together a wedding celebration just for you. Literally, just for you. They act as if they were your vicar or your Registrar and literally create, conduct and manage your ceremony. You can include readings, poems and music which are special to you and your partner and involve your special people as much as you like. Lovely.
And...the brilliant thing is that there are no restrictions regarding where the ceremony takes place (see Humanist Weddings on my site). Legally, you can't get married in the open air, nor in a wood and certainly not on the beach. Get the legalities sorted and a Celebrant will conduct your ceremony more or less anywhere.
You may like to have a look at:
http://www.civilceremonies.co.uk/
Or, if you live in Sussex, try:
http://www.civilceremonies.co.uk/
Choosing Suppliers
A massive subject and I don't have space to cover off as much as I would like here but a word of caution: Sadly, there are still wedding suppliers out there who say "no" to contributing their services to civil partnerships. This is course goes against the Equalities Act of 2007 but don't be put off as my impression (she says hopefully) is that this is a stupid minority behaving illegally. To help you in this regard, you may like to try these websites, which point the way in terms of Pink Approval:
http://www.gay-friendly-wedding-venues.com/
http://www.pinkweddingdays.co.uk/services/index.aspx?uid=2
Questions to Ask:
How many Civil Partnerships have you dealt with?
Can you supply testimonials?
What can you offer us that other similar companies can't?
Remember, though that Civil Partnerships are still a relatively new concept and if suppliers slip up and refer to the "Bride and Groom" they're not necessarily homophobic, it just means that they're getting used to a new market. *Susan whispers in the ear of suppliers*: psssst! These folks have DISPOSABLE INCOME and they want to spend money.
What to Wear
Whatever You Like. Next!
Now this, ladies, is just scary
Toastmaster or Drag Queen?
If you're keen to have someone charismatic to make announcements (more or less essential with celebrations of 100+ people), I rather like the idea of a drag queen as MC and given that it's my blog I will put forward my reasons why (oooh the power):
A respected and "respectable" drag queen in the gay and lesbian community tends to be professional, courteous and has bucketloads of charm that will bring excitement to your party. She will help with the main duties of the day and could even add that extra wow factor as the afternoon starts to spill over into the evening. You know, people start to get a bit restless at this stage in the proceedings, don't they?
She could, for example introduce a number of comic turns, live vocals, sing-a-longs and in some cases she could become...the DJ!
There is a fabulous drag queen called, err, Fonda Cox. Look her up on Google, I am saying nothing more about her name. OK?
Themes
Just because you're gay, should you have a gay "theme"? Well, it used to happen quite a lot in the "olden days", in my opinion but maybe not so much now. However, there's nothing wrong with celebrating your sexuality so the following may give you some ideas:
Colours
You could theme your wedding around the colours from the rainbow flag used to represent gay pride. The colours could be used in the invitations, function room, table decorations, even your outfits.
Pink is a colour traditionally associated with the "gay lifestyle" and there are LOADS of lovely pinkified things out there in the marketplace. Ooh ooh just thought of something: pink champagne, taramosalata dips and salmon! Where's my invite?!
Advice: Think of the photos, m'dears. Don't book a photographer who shoots black and white pictures.
If you belong to a part of the gay community that enjoys a certain niche, the following may float your boat:
Country and Western
You could decorate your venue to look like a saloon bar and get everyone line dancing. (You could book a caller to show people how to do the Gay Gordon's but you didn't hear it from me.)
Get your guests to come along in jeans (easy), checked shirts, cowboy boots and hats.
Bears
I am reliably informed that bears are symbolic in the gay community and represent strong, masculine men, usually with facial hair. There's lots of bear-related items out there and you could even buy teeny weeny little bears and give them away (if you can, ahem "bare" to) as favours on the guests' tables.
I have to say that this reminds me of a trip to the "Build a Bear" workshop in Brighton to buy a teddy bear for my Mum. The cutesy little girl who created the bear produced a small, satin heart and tried to get me to kiss it before putting it into the bear's stuffed innards. Shudder.
Events
Unless you've been under a rock or you're dead then you'll be aware that just a few people and a dog get together every August for the Pride Event in Brighton (and also there's one in London, of course). This thing ROCKS so you may want to get hitched on the Friday and then boogie on down with the best of them on the day of the parade with the riot of colour and joy that underscores this rather fab event.
Incidentally, if I drive along the main sea coast road early on the morning of the Pride march I see groups of men and women milling about before the parade in the most fantastically imaginable and outrageous outfits of which you could ever conceive.
You can even get a blessing at gay pride events, so look out for the "blessing" marquee. Look here, too:
http://www.humanrites.co.uk/
Historical Theme
How about returning to a time when men were, err, a little bit more open about their sexuality? You could host an event where all the guys turn up naked, run around a lot, chuck javelins and do synchronised swimming. I refuse to believe that there wasn't synchronised swimming at the first Olympics. OK, joking. I put that in just in case you'd all got bored by now.
Srsly (text speaking now!) now. How about a toga wedding where folks don fine white robes with gold trim and you design invitations in the shape of scrolls? Your meal could be a roasting pig feast plus other tasty meaty treats - veggies look away now - plus olives, large chunks of bread and grapes adorning the tables. If the function room has columns you could decorate them with ivy and flowers.
Look at the sheer joy on the faces of this couple
So....all still with me? As you can probably see I've only scratched the proverbial service in this regard so do contact me (07816 684 756 or enquiries@perfectday-planning.co.uk) if you'd like to help me plan your Civil Partnership.
Remember: You're Busy. You're Getting Hitched. You Need Me.
Bye for now...
Susan
x
Further Reading:
Civil Partnership: A guide to the perfect day by Gino Meriano and Mike Meriano.
2009 New Holland Publishers (UK Ltd)
Gay and Lesbian Weddings by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown.
2009 Alyson Books
The Complete Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings: Civil Partnerships and All you Need to Know by Jo Webber and Matt Miles
2006 W Foulsham and Co.
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